Working out Guilt

This semester in RUF large group, we had 'God at Work' moments, where a student would share how God had been working in his/her life. It was a great opportunity for the students to hear from their peers what God was teaching their friends about himself and about life. In late October I had the opportunity to share during 'God at work' (meaning that no one else volunteered at the leadership meeting, and I offered). I did not know what I would talk to the students about until the night before RUF, when I realized I could offer nothing greater in myself than the truths of the gospel. My weakness in and of myself and Christ's power to raise me to his side is all that I can ever offer to anyone. A message that is not cross centered, Christ exalting is a poor message at best. Here is what I shared:

I have struggled for the last several days with what I was going to talk to you about when I knew that I would be speaking tonight. It wasn’t until last night at Bible Study that I finally decided what I would say. Originally, I think my main goal was to dazzle you all with what God has been doing in my life and after speaking of his work, take my seat again to thunderous applause and acceptance… It’s funny, but sad that it is true. I have always been a people pleaser and struggle with wanting people to like me and think I am awesome in whatever I do. Because of this I feel that much of my life is lived struggling with performance and acceptance; looking at myself and either falling into self-righteousness and thinking I am better than others or being bogged down in guilt for my sin of not living up to the mark. For me recently I have been weighed down by guilt. I have seen how I have not been disciplined in my life, not loved God, even directly opposing him with my heart and actions. I know I could be doing better in so many ways, and have not felt worthy of my calling here as an intern with RUF.

Last night as he opened Bible study, Michael told us some of the crap that was going on in his life, and we went around and shared struggles and what was going on in our lives. The outlook as we finished sharing was fairly bleak… which led us into the study of Romans 3 and what it means to be Justified by God apart from our works. It was very good for me to hear those truths again and hash through what it means to be truly loved by God. Listen to these words from the passage in Romans 3:

“For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. But now [and as Michael pointed out this is probably the biggest ‘but’ in the Bible] the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it--- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation [or atoning sacrifice] by his blood, to be received by faith.”

In this passage it says that we are Justified by God. Our justification is a legal standing… we are either guilty or innocent, and in Christ, God declares us not guilty… for sins past, present, and future. It is a gift that he gives, one that we could never earn. He canceled our debt and so much more than that adopted us into his family to live in intimacy with him and share in the riches of his glory. It is the greatest news imaginable, but so often I live like it isn’t true. One of the greatest powers of sin is the blinding to Truth, and I am blinded to the joy that I am fully accepted by Christ’s merit alone. So I strive to make myself worthy, but this only leads to more guilt and shame. It is only by grace that I can see that through the finished work of Christ, there is now no condemnation in my life, nothing that can tear me from my Father’s hand… even my own sin and apathy. The Christian life is not about looking good or doing the right things to make a grade. The Christian life is a relationship with the personal, infinite God of the universe and living in deeper dependence on the grace of his love.

I need to preach these truths to my heart every day. Like the Psalmist crying out, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” It doesn’t matter if I have the best day ever and lead everyone I talked with to Christ, or if I have a terribly unproductive day and fall into sin patterns that have gripped my heart like a vice for years… God the Father still looks on me and with the same fierce, jealous love and says, “this is my son in whom I am well pleased.” In Christ this is not some theoretical wishful thinking… It is more concrete and true than anything in all creation. And one day someday we will fully be able to see and believe that promise.

In Amazing Grace, John Newton wrote, “Twas grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.” It is not performance that leads me home to my loving Father, but his love and grace that draws me back, pursuing me again and again when I run away from home. I pray that I and all of us in RUF will, like little children, begin to trust more fully and deeply in the sufficiency of our Loving and Gracious Father.