Stream Dweller - Reflections of a Ransomed Son

Summertime Update

2010-07-14T17:44:00.001-04:00

I have not given you an update in a long time. For that I am sorry. It has been a great spring semester at the University of Florida and I was able to develop greater relationships and minster to the guys of RUF this spring. It was wonderful this year seeing how God uses the broken and the small things of this world to advance His kingdom. In my own power I am nothing, but he has used me in many ways through this internship to reach and equip students and to soften my own heart to the Gospel of grace.

I will not recap the entire spring here, but you are welcome to follow the photo links on the right to see a visual diary of some of the adventures of RUF at UF. Also, take a look at my newest update letter for past happening and current needs:

As you go forward this summer I pray for your best and hope that I may continue to let you in on the wonderful story that God is playing out through His ministry of RUF!

Type rest of the post here

Prayer Requests

2010-07-10T16:30:00.001-04:00

I appeal to you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf. - Romans 15:30

Thank you so much for your continued prayer and encouragement! I need it. Without your prayers and the God who answers them, I would have no hope in any of my endeavors. "Pray often, for prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan." - John Bunyan

This Summer:

• Pray for my intimacy with Christ; that in fundraising, resting, and planning for the fall I would not become overwhelmed or complacent, but would actively pursue Christ as not only Lord, but my treasure.

• Pray for my support to come in this summer and fall. Pray that God would make me bold in asking forsupport, and be preparing and enabling potential donors to give to my ministry in Florida. I don’t bite… so if you have any questions about my support raising, would like to give, or know of someone who would, call me up! I’d love to fill you in on what God is doing at UF and what my current needs consist of.

• Pray for wisdom and guidance as I seek Christ for direction in my life for the future. I know that I want to be involved in ministry in some capacity, and am trying to figure out if I am called to vocational ministry. I am beginning to look into seminaries, with a possible emphasis in campus ministry. Also, since early spring I have been dating a wonderful, fun, and lovely lady. Callie is the RUF intern at Texas A&M, and is such an encouragement to me. It has been a true blessing pursuing Christ together, though the long distance can be hard. I would love your prayers for wisdom, patience, and guidance with Callie.

Thank you for your prayers. God has been at work this year at UF and it has been wonderful to be a part of the ministry. May God continue to richly bless us all in Christ,

-Matt

I Love You O Lord My Strength

2010-01-19T00:19:00.004-05:00

I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
- Psalm 18:1-3

Last week I had lunch with one of the sophomore guys that I love meeting with regularly. We decided to memorize one verse a week this semester and hold each other accountable in reading the Word. He was wanting to find a verse to memorize that magnified God as a shield and protector, and I suggested the first few verses of Psalm 18.

It is probably my favorite start to a Psalm: "I love you, O LORD, my strength." I am so glad we are memorizing these verses this week because I often forget where my strength lies. God is my rock, yet I spend minutes, hours, and days placing my trust and trying to gather strength from other gods. So often I don't love God. I drag out other idols, polish them up, and try to rest in their shadows.

But they never satisfy, never grip me in powerful, loving, protective arms. It is his power that frees me from the talons of my sin. I can run and grab hold of the horn of my salvation, Jesus, and know that I am saved from my fears, saved from my doubts, saved from myself. He is my rock of refuge.

I have loved adding verse 1 to the start or end of my prayers in the last few days. It has been a great reminder of the mountain of his comfort. I love you, O LORD my strength!

Spring's First Weeks

2010-01-18T20:05:00.008-05:00

The last two weeks have been busy as RUF at UF has gotten rolling again after Christmas break. Here are a few pictures of some of the happenings of RUF:

The first two weeks we tabled on campus a few days a week. We handed out fliers, candy, and told students about RUF and what we do. I was encouraged as we made several contacts that have started coming to RUF for the first time

The first Wednesday of school we had a ice cream/bonfire social. It was a fun time getting to know folks better and reconnecting after break.

The first weekend of the semester RUF had its annual camping trip. Although it was nothing like Colorado camping, it was awesome to leave Gainesville and head out to a house in the woods.

It was a great weekend full of games, fires, smores, frisbee golf, worship, prayer, getting to know more about the students in this RUF, and encouraging them.

On Saturday we had an RUF work day, partnering with a local non-profit Christians Concerned for the Community. There were three projects that day, cleaning a lady's house, landscaping and cleaning up a local church, and building a wheelchair ramp for a lady who could no longer manage the steps at her house. I was a part of the ramp crew and had a fun time building a 36 foot ramp. It felt good to get out and work on something physical and quantifiable with my hands.

The Priority of the Church

2010-01-14T15:43:00.002-05:00

On the holy mount stands the city he founded; the LORD loves the gates of Zion more than all the dwelling places of Jacob. Glorious things of you are spoken, O city of God. Selah - Psalm 87:1-3

Last semester Steve finished out his "Christianity is..." series with "Christianity is Too Institutional." We looked at the common objection that the organized church is outdated, unnecessary, and even harmful to faith. As Steve lead us through the church's origin, priority, and composition, I was taken aback when he said that Jesus did not come to save individuals, but came to die for the church. It made me re-think the importance of the church in new ways, and as a community of believers what it entails to be the bride of Christ.

In saying the Jesus did not die for individuals, Steve was not saying that Jesus does not love and pursue individual sinners, but that when he saves them he does not leave them to themselves. In saving lost, wandering persons, Christ is redeeming for himself a people. This "bride" (singular) of Christ, is who he loves more than all else. There is a glorious unity in the church where individual members become more distinct and purposed when acting as a body. The body is greater than the sum of its individual parts. (see 1 Cor 12:12-26)

The primary passage we looked at was Psalm 87, and the key phrase that stuck out to me was in verse 2, where the Psalmist writes, "the LORD loves the gates of Zion more than all the dwelling places of Jacob." Zion refers to the Holy City of God, where his temple is. In Christ, the old sacrificial system and the physical temple had their fulfillment, and All Christians now have access to the throne room of grace; We are the temple of God. "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" (1 Cor 3:16) It is staggering to realize that God has established himself in our hearts, and brought us out of darkness into the light of true community. "'Behold, your salvation comes; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him.'And they shall be called The Holy People, The Redeemed of the LORD; and you shall be called Sought Out, A City Not Forsaken." (Isaiah 62:11b-12)

In the Old Testament God made covenants with several individuals but they were always for a people; His people. Jesus loves me, but his love and my love is made complete in and as the Bride. In his restoration of all things that were shattered at the fall, Christ has knit us back into dependence upon himself and upon our fellow brothers and sisters. He has promised to be with and guide us.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them,” (Mt 18:20) is not an arbitrary promise of being heard in corporate worship. The very nature of God as a community and the way He has chosen to give power to his children is through the church. It is his institution, backward and broken though the bride be, he has promised to prepare and purify her, to present her to himself faultless. The church is the betrothed of God, and who he has chosen to spend eternity with in glory.

A New Year of Great Joy

2010-01-06T12:48:00.002-05:00

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. - Jude 24&25

I flew back to Gainesville two days ago and am already at full sprint. RUF had it's first large group of the semester last night, I have played ultimate, been to two RUF house parties, handed out fliers and talked with students on campus, planned out my schedule with Steve, and hung out with many amazing students and friends. All in a day and a half! It was great to be worshiping at RUF last night and to feel excited for what God is doing already this semester. I was reminded again of our loving Father who not only lifts us up out of the pain and judgment of sin into new life, but who does so with great joy... both for ourselves and for Himself!

In the great doxology of Jude, I have always taken the inherent joy to be my joy... which is true, but it is not ultimate. The doxology is to and about Him. Our joy will not be complete until God's joy is complete... when all his children have been gathered home to his side; "before the presence of his glory." At that time his laughter and roar will echo through the universe. That is our hope and our joy; that God sings over us. His rejoicing over his children through Christ is the greatest need of the human soul, and what I hope to be able to convey this semester, through my faltering lips, to students silently yearning for such love!

Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion;
shout, O Israel!
Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away the judgments against you;
he has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst;
you shall never again fear evil.
On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
"Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.

The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

- Zephaniah 3:14-17

The Father of Lights

2009-12-13T00:02:00.002-05:00

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. - James 1:16-18

Today I was attempting to access an old online account that I had not updated in years. I knew my user name but could not figure out my password. It was probably one of those passwords that you think is really witty and that you will definitely remember... but then you forget it in a week. Anyway, after trying all of "the six passwords that unlock everything in Matt Bostrom's life," and still not getting in, I shamefully resorted to the "I forgot my password" box. I was led to a personal question prompt that read, "He is the Father of." The box next to that phrase had a blinking cursor that waited impatiently for me to figure out who "he" was and what exactly he had been fathering. I stared at the screen blankly for about 5 seconds before it clicked. He (God) is the Father of Lights! That is one of my all time favorite names of God, and ever since I joined facebook around five years ago, the Father of Lights has been listed as my first interest.

Remembering that name created an itch to dig deeper into the God who is light, and led me to many passages where God presents himself robed in light. Let us scratch the surface...

First let us look at the passage in James. Everything good that we experience, and every promised blessing, is as a beam radiating down from his throne. In him there is no shadow of change, no flicker to disrupt his perfection as it emanates to his children. The fourth question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism asks, "What is God?" The answer to this succinct and overwhelming question is, "God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal, and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth." He is eternally unchanging, Being; from which all else is derived. "[He] is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen. (1 Tim 6:15-16) Moses asked to be shown the glory of the Lord in Exodus 33, and God replied that it would destroy him. Yet God placed Moses in the cleft of a rock and covered him as his presence passed by and allowed him to glimpse the Lord's back. When Moses returned from the encounter, he had to cover his face when talking to the people, because even though he only saw a poor glimpse of the light of God's glory, his face radiated light so that the Israelites were terrified to look at him.

In the beginning God spoke light into being by the word of his command, and in the same miraculous, authoritative manner calls us into the light of his life. "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6) In the same way that God called light out of nothing, he has shown the light of his Gospel into dead hearts and given life through that knowledge of Christ. There is an illumination that takes place at our conversion, an awakening of the heart to the new life in the Spirit. And this is not of our doing, any more than light had a hand in its inception. It is the creative power of God that bursts into the soul of a dead carcass and infuses it with life. Jonathan Edwards called this, "A divine and supernatural light immediately imparted to the soul by the Spirit of God."

I remember as a kid when our church started to use the more modern version of the Apostle's Creed in church. I remember several times after we read the part, "From there he will come to judge the living and the dead." that my Dad would tell me how he wished we still used the old "From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead." He really liked the term quick in place of living. I think when I was younger I just thought he was weird and it was strange that Jesus was going to judge fast people... but now I too prefer the original quick.

In Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary the first definition of 'quick' is: "Alive; living; opposed to dead or unanimated; as quick flesh." To quicken is then the verb form, the act of making alive; to endow with life. When looking up these terms I also found that, in medical terms, "The moment of quickening refers to the initial motion of the fetus in the uterus as it is perceived or felt by the pregnant woman. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, to 'quicken' means 'to reach the stage of pregnancy at which the child shows signs of life.'"

Here are a few examples of 'quick' and 'quickening' I found when comparing the King James to the ESV:

2 Timothy 4:1
-I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: (ESV)
-I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; (KJV)

Psalm 80:18
-Then we shall not turn back from you; give us life, and we will call upon your name! (ESV)
-So will not we go back from thee: quicken us, and we will call upon thy name. (KJV)

John 5:21
-For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will. (ESV)
-For as the Father raiseth up the dead, and quickeneth them; even so the Son quickeneth whom he will. (KJV)

That gives such deeper weight and meaning to Charles Wesley's hymn 'And Can It Be' when he wrote:
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

I love this imagery! When we were bound in sin and the natural darkness that made us dead to reality, God looked upon us in mercy. That gaze of the Father of Lights effectually kindled a blaze of glory that made us alive, tore through the bounds that held us, and freed and animated our affections to follow and love him! That is irresistible grace; When a heart is quickened by such light and there is but one path it can tread, and with great joy: the path that leads to the Father of such glory! This path is too straight to branch and curve to the whims of fancy, too narrow for us to haul all of our earthly baggage and not fall away. It is a path that guards and protects the broken, for it is our kingdom and rest. The path is Jesus.

The passage in James which we first looked at tells us that we were brought forth by the Father of lights by the word of truth... and the Word of Truth is the Light: Christ Jesus. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:1-5) His coming marked the fulfillment of a promise that there is hope for the renewal of creation and a dawning of a kingdom of light. As Isaiah prophesied: "The people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned." Jesus came not only to bear the punishment for the sins of his people, but to bring the light of his Father to restore the order and peace of all things. Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12) We have but to follow him.

As easy as that may sound, I still try to run and hide in the darkness. I am still pressed by the need to veil myself to the light. I doubt when I look away from his light and try to find my own way. But thanks be to God that his light always pursues and drives me onward, sustaining me! "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved) (Ephesians 2:4-5 KJV) God make us alive with and through Christ, binding us to the light of Christ so that his glory becomes ours by marriage to the light. We are chosen by him, and are made sons and daughters of the Father of lights, we are lights reflecting his glory. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16) "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9) As children of light we are witnesses in the dark to the wonderful excellencies that he has in store for those who love him. As one candle touches the wick of another and so sets that one aflame, so our lives should rub up against others with the spark of the gospel.

One little candle with one little flame
Appears insignificant, a soul without name.
But one little candle burning out bright
Can pierce through the darkness and turn blindness to sight.

We are a chosen people of God, called out of darkness into hope. Just as the Son of Light came once to purchase our life, so too will he come again to collect what is his. This time it will not be as a lowly babe, but when he returns again he will come with the power and authority of the full glory of God. "And he said to the disciples, "The days are coming when you will desire to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it. And they will say to you, 'Look, there!' or 'Look, here!' Do not go out or follow them. For as the lightning flashes and lights up the sky from one side to the other, so will the Son of Man be in his day." (Luke 17:22-24) Jesus is warning his disciples not to follow counterfeit messiahs, or be sucked into teachings that Christ has already returned in secret... Jesus is saying, "Look, you want to know what to look for when I return? I will fill the sky. Like a perpetual lightening blot that rips through a black night, so I will be in broad daylight. In my glory, all will know that I am Lord, and all will bow in awesome joy or terrible fear at the rumbling of my approach." Our hope and our promise is in his return. And in that final Glory when all wrongs will be destroyed and all will be restored in a new Heavens and Earth, he will dwell with us and be our light. "And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day - and there will be no night there. (Rev. 21:22-25)

So Christian, take heart. The darkness you see now will lift, the wrongs that destroy will die in the light of His glory and grace. And even though we wait with longing for the future kingdom, we have a present hope and Guide. Unlike Moses, who had to be hidden and veiled, we have access to the Father of Lights and to the warmth of his smile in Christ. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another." (2 Cor 3:18) We are being transformed; mostly unseen, often painfully, but all for our good. O what joy has been set before us! May we eagerly yearn as we spread the fire of the Gospel! "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." (Psalm 130:5-6)

Christmas Parties and Other Thoughts

2009-12-12T15:26:00.004-05:00

Last Thursday RUF at UF had its last official event of the semester: Christmas Party! There was a great dinner, many desserts, and a white elephant gift exchange. It was a fun night and a wonderful ending to the fall semester. It made me very thankful for what God has been doing in my life this fall, and excited to see him work in the semesters to come.

It was a good ending because I knew it was not a true ending. It would be very hard for me, at this point, to walk away from this RUF and its amazing group of students. I am very thankful that this is still a beginning, that I am going to be serving these students for another year and a half. I believe next semester will be even better than the fall: I know my way around (for the most part:), have relationships to disciple a lot of the guys, am going to be leading a Bible study for guys who are newer to the ministry, and am at a place to better reach and equip those at UF with Christ. Lord willing, he continues to bless and grow this ministry so that graduates looking back would not simply remember a few good Christmas parties, but would be able to say that Christ became the love of their lives in college. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas season, and are able to reflect on past blessings and look foreward to future graces in Christ!

Working out Guilt

2009-12-09T14:43:00.003-05:00

This semester in RUF large group, we had 'God at Work' moments, where a student would share how God had been working in his/her life. It was a great opportunity for the students to hear from their peers what God was teaching their friends about himself and about life. In late October I had the opportunity to share during 'God at work' (meaning that no one else volunteered at the leadership meeting, and I offered). I did not know what I would talk to the students about until the night before RUF, when I realized I could offer nothing greater in myself than the truths of the gospel. My weakness in and of myself and Christ's power to raise me to his side is all that I can ever offer to anyone. A message that is not cross centered, Christ exalting is a poor message at best. Here is what I shared:

I have struggled for the last several days with what I was going to talk to you about when I knew that I would be speaking tonight. It wasn’t until last night at Bible Study that I finally decided what I would say. Originally, I think my main goal was to dazzle you all with what God has been doing in my life and after speaking of his work, take my seat again to thunderous applause and acceptance… It’s funny, but sad that it is true. I have always been a people pleaser and struggle with wanting people to like me and think I am awesome in whatever I do. Because of this I feel that much of my life is lived struggling with performance and acceptance; looking at myself and either falling into self-righteousness and thinking I am better than others or being bogged down in guilt for my sin of not living up to the mark. For me recently I have been weighed down by guilt. I have seen how I have not been disciplined in my life, not loved God, even directly opposing him with my heart and actions. I know I could be doing better in so many ways, and have not felt worthy of my calling here as an intern with RUF.

Last night as he opened Bible study, Michael told us some of the crap that was going on in his life, and we went around and shared struggles and what was going on in our lives. The outlook as we finished sharing was fairly bleak… which led us into the study of Romans 3 and what it means to be Justified by God apart from our works. It was very good for me to hear those truths again and hash through what it means to be truly loved by God. Listen to these words from the passage in Romans 3:

“For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. But now [and as Michael pointed out this is probably the biggest ‘but’ in the Bible] the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it--- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation [or atoning sacrifice] by his blood, to be received by faith.”

In this passage it says that we are Justified by God. Our justification is a legal standing… we are either guilty or innocent, and in Christ, God declares us not guilty… for sins past, present, and future. It is a gift that he gives, one that we could never earn. He canceled our debt and so much more than that adopted us into his family to live in intimacy with him and share in the riches of his glory. It is the greatest news imaginable, but so often I live like it isn’t true. One of the greatest powers of sin is the blinding to Truth, and I am blinded to the joy that I am fully accepted by Christ’s merit alone. So I strive to make myself worthy, but this only leads to more guilt and shame. It is only by grace that I can see that through the finished work of Christ, there is now no condemnation in my life, nothing that can tear me from my Father’s hand… even my own sin and apathy. The Christian life is not about looking good or doing the right things to make a grade. The Christian life is a relationship with the personal, infinite God of the universe and living in deeper dependence on the grace of his love.

I need to preach these truths to my heart every day. Like the Psalmist crying out, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” It doesn’t matter if I have the best day ever and lead everyone I talked with to Christ, or if I have a terribly unproductive day and fall into sin patterns that have gripped my heart like a vice for years… God the Father still looks on me and with the same fierce, jealous love and says, “this is my son in whom I am well pleased.” In Christ this is not some theoretical wishful thinking… It is more concrete and true than anything in all creation. And one day someday we will fully be able to see and believe that promise.

In Amazing Grace, John Newton wrote, “Twas grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.” It is not performance that leads me home to my loving Father, but his love and grace that draws me back, pursuing me again and again when I run away from home. I pray that I and all of us in RUF will, like little children, begin to trust more fully and deeply in the sufficiency of our Loving and Gracious Father.

O Where Has the Semester Gone!

2009-12-07T14:02:00.008-05:00

It is December! It is finally cool enough to wear shoes and a sweater at night, and I haven't seen a lizard for a week. Time has flown by, packed with much goings on, but unfortunately my blog has been empty and sad the last few months. I shall try to give you the 100 mph overview-update of the life of RUF at UF.

In early October, the six RUFs in Florida got together for the annual Fall Conference. There were over 150 students that spent the weekend fellowshiping and growing in their knowledge of God. It was a great time to get to know people outside of the weekly routine of campus. This pic is of the group that came from UF, around 80 students!

Of course there have been many Gator football games, I have been fortunate to have gone to all but one of the home games in the Swamp. Here a hardcore group of RUFers painted, "Vandy is Gatorbait" for the Vanderbilt game.

In early November we had a worship night in the Swamp! It was cool being in the 90,000 person stadium at night singing and praying to the Lord of the universe. UF has some musical talent!

Campus Crusade had their annual Barn Dance, and there were probably about 30 RUFers that showed up. It was a fun night of line and square dancing, and amazing to see how a little twang brings out the country in people.

In mid November, RUF had a service project day, where we tore out old disgusting carpet in an elderly lady's home, and helped her clean and organize the house. I don't think the home had been cleaned in twenty years; It was gross at times but a great oportunity to be involved in mercy ministry in Gainesville.

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Faith Pres. hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for the RUF students. There was plenty of amazing food, and after dinner we went around the room sharing what we were most thankful about and how God had been working in our lives.

Last friday night, RUF hosted the second 'Parent's Night Out' of the semester. Parents came and dropped off their kids and we played and kept the children entertained so the parents could have a night on the town, without having to pay for a baby sitter. Here as you can see, RUF students are having more fun coloring than the kids are!

For more pictures of the semester you can follow the photo links on the right.

October is in the Air!

2009-10-01T16:51:00.005-04:00

Last night was the first night that it was cool enough to open the window in my room to let in the refreshing air, giving the AC a rest. Although it is not 'cool' by my Colorado standards, it is nice to know that fall does come to Florida and that it will not always be super hot. I laugh as I type this because it is 5pm and still the the 80's right now... but it is feeling more pleasant overall.

Most every Thursday morning the RUF guys that live in the building behind my apartment host a breakfast were we make pancakes, eggs, bacon, and sausage. We usually have around a half dozen people show up who do not have class in the morning. This morning Eli had a special treat... fresh bacon from a friend who owns pigs. It was thick and awesome! The picture on the left was a special creation: Pepper-jack cheese covered in the fresh bacon, surrounded by another layer of cured bacon. We put this beauty on the grill outside until she was flame kissed to perfection. In the other picture you can see Eli divvying up portions to excited men. Bacon is amazing, and when you add cheese and more bacon to it... Wow. I will need to get the recipe to the chef in Heaven, lest my joy be incomplete.

Tomorrow we leave for Fall Conference! Around 75 UF students will join students from 5 other RUF's in Florida for a weekend of fellowship, prayer, and growth in grace. Pray that it will be a time of true revival in the hearts of students and that eternal relationships would be planted and cultivated. God has blessed us with every good gift (especially bacon) and I pray that as we enter a new month we can use those gifts to serve his Kingdom!

Blinded to Death

2009-09-30T15:48:00.003-04:00

"We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." -2 Corinthians 4:2b-6

It is often the overlooked things in life that can have the greatest controlling power. Especially if those little things or changes pile into a big problems: The straw that breaks the camels back, the snowball that starts the avalanche, the butterfly wing that creates the typhoon. I have been told (I have not been cruel enough to try myself) that if you were to throw a frog into boiling water, it would instantly and in great pain, jump out; but if you gradually heat the water with the frog sitting in the pot, he will stay there calm and unmoving until he boils to death. So to is it with the power of sin. I believe that if people were to see all the magnitude of the horror of their sin they would instantly leap away, scalded by the contact. But sin creeps in slowly and seductively, like a warming bath, slowly becoming more comfortable and clouding the evil that it is, until it is impossible and even intolerable to pull away, consummating itself in terrible death. I can see this progression in humanity and in my own heart.

A prime example of this worked out on a cultural scale is the Holocaust of the Jews. Atheistic naturalism blended with the existential ideals of Nietzsche and the Antisemitism of a militaristic and unstable Germany lead to the rise of Hitler and the moral principles of his radical National Socialist Party. In the Nazification of Germany, Jews were systematically stripped of their legal and civil rights and progressively forced out of the culture, because they were considered less than human and the cause of so many of the worlds problems. This lead to the formation of the Ghettos were Jews were effectively sealed off from the outside world and forced to live with practically no economic ties. The Nazi high command began to coordinate the "final solution" - the extermination of all Jews; a justified cleansing of a social cancer. Labor and concentration camps had existed for years, but Hitler wanted a more efficient method of genocide, and so created the extermination camps. Overall, 6000000 Jews and 5000000 other human beings were slaughtered in his cultural purging.
This picture is probably the most horrifying picture I have seen of the Holocaust. In our society we are so jaded to violence in the media that sadly even pictures of the concentration camps do not have the shock value that they should (another numbing power of sin). This picture was taken when one of the death camps was liberated by Allied troops and shows a bin filled with hundreds of wedding rings, taken off prisoners and corpses before they were cremated in massive ovens. Each ring represents a family unit that was destroyed; torn apart by hate and terrible suffering. A husband, wife, and children scream out from each one. Rings are a symbol of the covenant of marriage, which is a signpost to the glorious union that we have with Christ. And in such a callous disregard for that union and the innate image bearing of His children, I find real and deep horror.

Today we ask how the German people and the majority of the German church could have let this happen under their watch. How could such hatred and violence that destroyed one third of an entire cultural group worldwide, have been born out of one of the most sophisticated, technically advanced, culturally developed, civilized, modern societies this planet has ever seen? The Holocaust was not an exterior force stumbled upon by a few bad men in a sea of good... No, rather the Holocaust was the natural outpouring of the hell that is the human heart. A few good men were not corrupted by evil, but humanity loosened the reins on their sinful nature.

I would like to think that I would have done better in their place to stop the progression of hate, or that I would never fall to such a level; but I fear that I am deceiving myself. I always looked back on the Israelites as a kid thinking, "What idiots? Can't they understand that God is with them? They always doubt him in the midst of so many signs and miracles... I would never doubt if I saw that!" Yet here I am today, with so much more knowledge of the glorious redemptive plan of God, being this side of the Cross, with His Word at my fingertips to guide and sustain me; and I doubt and fear and run from him constantly. It is not an external blinding to the majesty of God, but my very heart that is my greatest problem.

"For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." (c.f. Matthew 15:19)

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

"If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say we have not sinned, we make [God] a liar, and his word is not in us." (1 John 1:8,10)

Sin deceives, blinds, and numbs us to the reality of who God is and the truth of who we are in relation to him. It offers us an alternative to trusting and relying on the goodness of God and sets up our own kingdom and godhead in our hearts. Without the intervention of God ripping the scales from the eyes of our hearts in Christ, we would be blinded to death... and we would go to that death like the frog in the pot: happy and warm and oblivious. We are far worse than we can possibly imagine, and at the same time more truly loved and accepted that we could ever dream or hope in and through Christ Jesus.

I love that Jesus performed miracles. Especially that the majority of his miracles were curing or restorative in nature. We must ask what purpose those miracles served in the ministry of Jesus; were they simply because Jesus felt sorry for the diseased and the lame, or is it something far deeper? Jesus preached of the coming kingdom and taught that it would not only be a spiritual kingdom but a prepared physical and tangible place. Jesus did not perform signs and miracles for the signs sake or because that was the only way people would believe him, but rather his miracles ushered in a piece of that kingdom to his audience. Christ's miracles were a reaching into the future kingdom and bringing that restoration to the broken now. His redemptive message was so concrete and sure that miracles naturally flowed from its power and truth. What power would there be in the teaching a restored kingdom, if he did not work toward that restoration. When a paralytic was brought before Jesus and Jesus forgave his sins, the Pharisees thought it was blasphemy. "But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, "Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Rise and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins"---he then said to the paralytic---"Rise, pick up your bed and go home." And he rose and went home. (Matthew 9:4-7) Jesus saw the man's ultimate need (the removal of his spiritual paralysis) and forgives him, and also through that power then cures his physical paralysis. Christ's miracles and message were not mutually exclusive, but bound intimately by the truth of his words.

Many of Christ's miracles were the curing of physical blindness. I love the parallel symbolism of the restoration of our spiritual sight. Just as the blind cannot lead or heal themselves, so to we are dependent on the grace of God to lead and heal our hearts. Jesus used a variety of means to heal blindness: in several cases he touched their eyes, in another he spit on a mans eyes and worked in stages, in others he spoke and that opened their eyes, and in one he placed saliva mud in the man's eyes and commanded the man to wash in order to receive his sight. So to the Lord employs various means, all rooted in Him to draw us to himself. He works uniquely in individuals as a personal and perfectly suited savior.

"I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness. And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. Hear, you deaf, and look, you blind, that you may see!" (Isaiah 42:6,7,16,18)

God's work in this world is a freeing, restorative, and redemptive work, and just as Jesus' ministry called forth the future restoration of Paradise, so to our lives should be a reflection of the love of Heaven. Our gospel and works are not mutually exclusive; they are one in the same. Our works proceed from faith and bear witness to our faith. My loving others out of Christ's love to me is my gospel. So when people see my love they will ask about the hope that I have. May our eyes be opened to the need for restoration in the world around us. And may we sing boldly when confronted by a blinded world, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see!"

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." (Psalm 34:8-10)

O how I pray that we may see his beauty and extend that sight to others! I leave you with a poem that I wrote about the blinding power of sin that I see in my own heart and the hearts of others. I pray that we may take seriously the destructive power of sin and the glorious, all conquering, majesty of grace.

The greatest power I see in sin
Is the blinding of a man.
Wherein he sees no god but self
And believes the presumption of his good.

He scoffs at Heaven and believes he deserves
Life and good and peace: he mocks,
"How can God be good and pure
All knowing, powerful, and just;
Yet evil exist and suffering run free?"
As if happiness and joy were his due.

O man! So blinded, canst thou see
The question is reversed.
If scales removed you beheld your God
Your question would be thus:

"How can God, all good and pure,
All knowing, powerful, and just,
Allow a sinner such as I
Who mocks with unending scorn,
To draw my next fleeting breath
And not crush me in the dust?"

My due is Hell and that is just
Tis grace I live and breathe;
Yet wrath will not be stayed forever,
I pray that you may see!

Salted with Suffering

2009-09-23T23:42:00.000-04:00

Last night at RUF, Steve preached on suffering and how an all-good, omnipotent God could exist in a world of evil and pain. It was another hard, emotional message, because for all of us this is not just a theoretical, philosophical problem, but it is a tangible, daily reality of the world that we live in. Loved ones have cancer, addictions tear our hearts, children starve to death, families hate each other... yet God knows every hair on our heads, and governs all things to his good and perfect will. There are several partial reasons we can give as to why evil exists, and several things the Bible points to, but ultimately we must trust God and wait patiently for the day when all things sad will come untrue as Tolkien says and we proclaim with those who have endured terrible suffering at the hands of evil, "Great and amazing are your deeds, O Lord God the Almighty! Just and true are your ways, O King of the nations! Who will not fear, O Lord, and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship you, for your righteous acts have been revealed." (Rev. 15:3-4)

At the end of Genesis, as Joseph's brothers tremble before him in fear of his just wrath for selling him into a life of slavery, pain, and hardship, he gives us a very humbling and comforting look into the purposes of God in suffering. "But Joseph said to them, "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." (Gen 50:19-20) Sometimes God allows us to see an aspect of his purposes for suffering in this life, most of the time he does not. In this life, through the pain and horrible injustice that we see, we can only trust as Joseph that though evil is meant against us, God is using it (the evil) for our ultimate good. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Rom 8:28)

God does not create evil nor does he sin in allowing that sin be, but he uses the suffering in this world to draw out his good purposes; most graciously and gloriously in that he uses it to draw us to himself. I find it fascinating that in the parable of the sower, suffering is the litmus paper of true faith. When the scorching sun of trial rose on the young plants with no roots, they withered and fell away. Suffering produces the roots of endurance for those who are in the fold of God. "Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rom 5:2-5) God is using suffering in the lives of his children, not as a means of wrath but as a means of refinement. Just as a good earthly father disciplines the children that he loves, so that they may learn and grow along the right path, so our heavenly Father loves to see us grow more and more into the likeness of Christ. "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:5-11)

Often it is hard to accept that the future yield in righteousness and joy is worth the pain that we go through and see around us in the present. But the apostle Paul who went through so many more trials than I will ever face trusted in the sure promises of God when he wrote in Romans 8:18, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Through Christ our suffering has meaning... because he suffered for us; and as we are united to him in his suffering, we will be united to him in his glory. Are we to despair of hope then when we face great evil and trials from without and within? "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:37-39)

The prayer, 'Christian Calling' in the Valley of Vision ends with these words, "Grant that I may be salted with suffering, with every exactment tempered to my soul, every rod excellently fitted to my back, to chastise, humble, break me. Let me not overlook the hand that holds the rod, as though didst not let me forget the rod that fell on Christ, and drew me to him." Through tears of doubt and dread I pray that prayer, fearful of the pain of discipline even as I see it as the only catalyst to break my hardened heart. I pray that God draws me to himself in that love. With these thoughts I write these words:

Who is man to resist the rod,
So excellently fitted?
And curse the hand that tempers soul
On forge of glorious good?
Who can question He who seasons
With salt of suffering the lacking dish?
In perfect proportions
He gives and takes,
Building character, removing blemish.
It is not for man to question Him:
All knowing, powerful, and good;
But trust the council of His will
And rest in joy on hope of promise.
Then think O man, when storms rage high,
Of Him who forsaken bore the lash;
Of Him who for your soul did bleed,
To purpose glory, life, and grace.
Take heart that He who crushed His Son,
To raise Him unto glory;
Is breaking you with that same love...
A rod that draws you to Himself.

Bits of Life

2009-09-21T14:10:00.010-04:00

Here are some long overdue pics of the last few weeks. Life is good. God is good. I think he is using this internship to change me more than the students! Continue to pray that the gospel would be effectively proclaimed on this campus. For more photos check out the links to my facebook photo albums on the right.

1st Row: Freshman Scavenger Hunt
2nd Row: Freshman Scavenger Hunt - TEBOW! and making bread for breakfast brigade
3rd Row: Transfer dinner and The Swamp
4th Row: Hiking Paines Prairie and seeing my first gators!
5th Row: First Game - Destroying Charleston Southern
6th Row: Painting blue and orange with some of the guys for the Tennessee game!

Thoughts on Hell

2009-09-21T12:51:00.004-04:00

This semester the campus minister here at UF, Steve, is preaching a series entitled "Christianity is..." This study is looking at common objections to Christianity (hypocritical, intolerant, sexist, irrational, boring, etc.) and examining what the Bible has to say about them. This last Tuesday, Steve addressed 'Is Christianity Cruel' with regard to the biblical teaching of Hell. It was a very hard message, very emotional, and would have been completely overwhelming but for the beauty of Christ's salvation through the gospel. The message got me, and hopefully others, thinking with an eternal perspective on life, and that Hell and Heaven are real places.

It is terrifying to think that Hell is a real place. At the end of all things, at the resurrection of the dead, at that beginning, we will all be judged. Those found to be in 'The Book of Life of the Lamb That Was Slain' (Rev. 13:8) will live in the New Heavens and the New Earth and be given glorious bodies exactly tempered and suited to their new existence. So to will those not found in His Book, the eternal damned, receive new bodies. Not glorious bodies, however, but horrible bodies, exactly fitted to their eternal torment in Hell. Hell will be a real, physical place of punishment. Hell is not going to be a spirit realm of shadows; it is a lake of fire, where the screams of real vocal cords will cut the darkness forever. How horrifying to have a body designed for pain and torment that cannot die. Suicide would be a welcome reprieve, but will be impossible with the damned bodies of Hell. As they scoffed God's Holiness in mind, soul, and body, so they will be judged in mind, soul, and body.

Omnipotent Creator, how awful are your judgments on those whose names are not in your Book! How unsearchable your wisdom in ordaining that evil be: to bear the weight of your wrath forever. O Lord, may I ever run to your cross; may my refuge be in your Son alone. For no other can save me from a real Hell. You were forsaken and bore torment that I cannot imagine, to atone for my great sin, substituting yourself in my deserving place. I praise you O Father for my life that you have ransomed from the pit; I rejoice that in your mercy I am called your son and will never taste of the cup of your wrath. My eternal cup is that of grace and glory, bought and sealed by Christ. Words cannot convey grace.

Glorious Immanence

2009-09-15T16:12:00.002-04:00

I will make my dwelling among you, and my soul shall not abhor you. And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people. - Leviticus 26:11-12

The magnitude of God's condescension in Christ can be seen as we look into its eternal ramification. Christ did not take on the form of his creatures, to dwell in his creation, as a temporary thing. He did not discard his earthly body as some disgusting thing once his atoning work was done. He did not trash his body after his resurrection to return to the Father in spirit. No, his immanence is manifest to us in that he will have, and chooses to have, a body like his creatures for eternity future. He will dwell with us in the New Earth, bringing Heaven with him. In dwelling with us and as us, he exemplifies the glories of his grace; elevating our worth, and sealing forever our place as children of God. We are made in God's image, but more than that, our entire personhood is united in him and reflects his glory!

How often I walk through life with a theoretical knowledge of God's love. I fear that he has to love me as an earthly father has to love his kids... sadly sometimes a forced or cold 'love.' I say, "O yeah, God loves me," but do I truly understand that he actually LIKES and delights in me?! I often ask questions like, "If you could hang out with anyone for a day, who would it be?" Usually the answer is a famous or rich person, sometimes if someone is feeling really spiritual they will say Jesus. But the power of the gospel is that Jesus chose ME when asked who he would most like to hang out with... and not for a day, but for an eternity to dwell intimately and vibrantly with me. He is not obligated or forced into relationship with me, but passionately pursued that relationship, even dying for the sin that separated us! The God of the universe loved me in such a way as to take on created flesh to dwell tangibly and permanently with me for eternity.

And I Ate Them...

2009-09-14T15:23:00.009-04:00

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts. - Jeremiah 15:16

Ever since the start of summer, this has been my favorite verse. I have loved picking it apart, basking in its words and implications, and trying to graft it into my heart. There is so much significance packed into these few words. I want to share what I have found so far...

God's Word is not an optional user manual for the Christian life. It is not a set of good platitudes to live by. It is our very sustenance. When we find God's words the passage tells us we are to eat them; take them in, digest and process them for our use. In doing so we find them to be sweet, nurishing, and relevant to our needs; a joy. We find them to be delightful to our hearts, not arbitrarily, but because of their deep message and Truth: We are called by the God of Hosts, the Lord who cannot be thwarted or denied. Names have power, and through imbibing God's Word we find that because of Christ we are united to Him and brought into that most powerful Name in the universe. Our very identity is in his name, and he is the one who is calling us into a relationship with him. While I was dead in sin, his words brought me to life, gave me a heart to love him and others, and secured me in consumate fellowship with him forever!

When tempted in the wilderness to turn stones to bread, Jesus rebukes Satan by quoting for Deuteronomy 8:3, "Man shall not live by bread alone,but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." Here Jesus bluntly tells us that the words of God are a daily need of our souls. The very nature of humanity is to need nurishment and man needs not only physical bread but spritual bread to survive. So often we treat the scriptures as a dainty dessert to be sampled on special occasions; Jesus demands that they be a daily nessesity for our vitality and the only way to truly grow; the source and sustainance of life.

Jesus himself is our bread, for he is the Word of God incarnate (John 1). After he fed the 5000, the people came running to him to try and secure more free food from his hand. They argued that if Jesus was from God and would feed them again, then they would believe him. "Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'" Jesus then said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." They said to him, "Sir, give us this bread always." Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." (John 6:31-35) In contrast to the manna from God that would rot after a day, Jesus, the Bread of Life offers himself imperishable to the people, if only they believe his message.

However, like the manna, God's mercy to us in Christ is new every morning. "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' (Lamentations 3:22-24) God's grace and mercy do not come to us as a once and for all thing when we become Christians, there is a day by day dispensation of grace to his children that is exactly fitted to our needs at the time. That is why in the Lord's Prayer, Jesus teaches us to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread." This includes not only our physical needs, but our spiritual needs as well, and the way we are filled with spiritual food is through the Word.

What do you delight in? What is the food that is fueling your life? I am always running after rotting trash to fill my belly, which leads to pain and death. How often I overlook the precious Word of life. I pray that we may find his words, and that in doing so we would be gripped with their intrinsic beauty. That we would find delight and riches to feast our souls on. For we are called by such a lovely, need-fulfilling, hope-accomplishing, death-conquering Provider.

Mercy Falls

2009-09-04T20:14:00.005-04:00

I wrote the following poem this summer, sitting on a rock outcrop at the edge of a mountain lake in the Colorado wilderness, as rain lightly pelted the surface of the water...

Mercy falls afresh from heaven
Yet again on this dark frame
Bringing light to wretched wanderings
Drops of hope to guide my way
Beams of love cut through my pride
Leaving vacant empty lusts
He fills all my hope and treasure
May I ever in Thee trust

Wash me Lord that I might seek you
Turn me from myself and sin
My heart is wicked ever running
Draw me home to Your embrace
May Your majesty ever pierce me
Consuming fire to my sin
Living water come to meet me
May I never thirst again

In your mercy I would linger
Ever to behold your face
Christ’s atoning work my treasure
The best of love amazing grace

"Go and make disciples!"

2009-09-04T18:02:00.005-04:00

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." - Matthew 28:18-20

"Go and make disciples of all nations" is terrifying. I instantly look at myself and see my weakness, inadequacy, and fear. I see the sin that eats at my life and feel that evangelism is hopeless. There are so many things I would rather do that I forget my call. I forget why and how I am to do ministry.

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me." Amazing! Jesus prefaces our duty to witness to others with the fact that he has all power and all authority that there is or ever conceivably could be. Therefore because of his power, we are enabled to make disciples. He is with us always, while this age endures, propelling us forward, supporting us from every side, enabling us to carry out his work in this world. We are privileged children who's Daddy lets them come to work with him and push big important buttons. All the while he is there with us, finding joy in our excitement and wonder and showing us exactly what what we need to do. We are the arm of his power in this world.

What hope to my callused mind and feeble heart! When Christ cried out, "It is finished!" it was true. He accomplished what my fearful hands could never do. In his atoning death and glorious resurrection he secured not only my salvation from sin, but took the weight of evangelism onto his own shoulders. He won the war, and enables us to collect the spoils. He has planted, watered, and grown a harvest and gives us the tools to bring it into the barn.

Have you ever been working with someone and felt completely useless because they were carrying all the weight and you were just walking along with nothing to do? In Christ that is not the case, although we are not really producing the work, we are the instruments of the work, He being at work through us. Jonathan Edwards talks about this seeming paradox of our sanctification by the Spirit when he says, “In efficacious grace we are not merely passive, nor yet does God do some and we do the rest. But God does all, and we do all. God produces all, we act all. For that is what produces, viz. our own acts. God is the only proper author and fountain; we only are the proper actors. We are in different respects, wholly passive and wholly active.” Jesus talks about the yoke we bear in Matthew 11 as being easy and his burden being light because he places us in the yoke, attaches us to the plow that we have been given, proceeds to lift up the entire apparatus, and with our legs dangling in the air, he plows the field. We can find joy in our work of discipleship because he does the hard labor and at the end of the day is responsible for its culmination. He who began a good work is faithful to complete it, using the strange, broken tools called Christians.

Let us then praise Christ and spread the joy of his gospel like little kids sitting on our Daddy's shoulders, yelling to anyone we see that we are going to climb a mountain, and His legs and back are doing all the work. The gospel frees us from the guilt of not being the perfect witness and not instantly seeing massive change in those we minister to. Therefore in his power, let us go out with joy and be led forth in peace, with no fear of rejection for our identity is secure and He has already overcome the trials of our failure. God is at work!

A Whirlwind Week +

2009-09-03T14:19:00.009-04:00

Tubing the Ichetucknee River

Tabling in the Plaza and Freshman Lunch

RUF Large Group

Wow... a week and a half has passed since my last update. A thousand thoughts, where to begin? On the 24th of August, 2009, classes started at UF. RUF was already in full swing and the first week was a blur of tabling and handing out flyers, the first large group meeting, ultimate fruit (fruit instead of a frisbee), a game night, flamingo football (guys on one leg), a movie night, tubing the Ichetucknee River, and freshman lunch after church. It was a week of organized chaos, learning dozens (hundreds?) of new names, and connecting students to each other and to RUF.

On Monday and Wednesday of this week, the two freshman guys small groups that I am participating in started; we had our first morning ministry team meeting today and tonight I am excited to go to Manland: a night for the guys to watch the first college football game, battle each other in ping-pong, foosball, and pool, all while consuming large quantities of meat. Awesome.

God has been good to me. In the midst of the chaos there has been rest; through the challenge of learning new names and faces, I am building friendships; despite being new and unfamiliar, I have been welcomed with open arms and appreciated; although so much of my life is changing, the "Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psalm 18:2)

There have been and will be hard times, times of pain and hurt as I try as a broken, wandering son to lead other hurting, fallen children to the table of the Father. But I know that He is faithful to provide the daily bread of grace to sustain, nourish, and strengthen me to his work on this campus. I have seen his hand already at work in so many ways and am excited to see where he will lead in the coming months. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I need them more than I know. Thank you so much for supporting me financially that I may be a part of this ministry at UF. God is doing great things in the lives of these students and in me, I'll keep you updated!

For more pics you can check out my facebook album The RUF Life of a Gator - Fall 09

The Fruit of the Spirit IS...

2009-08-23T15:28:00.005-04:00

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23

I attended Faith Presbyterian this morning and the sermon was on the latter part of Galatians 5 where Paul has been speaking about our freedom and liberty in Christ and how it is not a license to sin but the empowerment to love others, and he then transitions into the works of the flesh vs. the fruit of the spirit. I picked up on a few things that stuck with me throughout the day.

First of all, I love how the passage in all the translations I have seen, reads, "The fruit of the Spirit is," not "are." This may seem slight and a trivial English quark, but I believe it is very intentional and very profound. Nicholas Cage in National Treasure 2 comments on the same profundity when he says something to the effect of, "before the Civil War when one would talk about the United States he would say, 'The United States ARE doing...", where after the same person would say, 'The United State IS doing...'" It is an issue of unity and completion. We cannot pick and choose fruit, saying, "Well, I am good at faithfulness and joy, and you are good at peace and self-control." The fruit of the Spirit is a package deal. If you have the Spirit, you will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, AND self-control. They are all intrinsically and intricately tied together in and through the Spirit. They are His nature and so become our nature when we are united to Christ.

Secondly, "Against such things there is no law." I don't care what you do. As long as you are loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled... cut loose, run free, do whatever you want, for the fruit is the fulfillment of the law. To truly live out the fruit of the Spirit is to have perfected the law of loving God with our entire being and to then love others as ourselves. If this is the case and the fruit of the Spirit is the fulfillment of the law, then we must remember the dual purpose of the law: to show us the character of God and the way we are meant to live being made in his image, and to show us that it is impossible to obtain on our own. The law was given to show us what we are supposed to do and why (because it is God's nature) and as a microscope to hold up to our lives to show how far short we fall of that mark. A right understanding of the law leads us to the posture of Paul in Romans 7 where he cries out, "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" The law has to be fulfilled outside of ourselves, we are powerless to restrain is ocean of guilt, shame, and justice. "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Christ took on the wrath of our rotting fruit and gave us his own sweet fruit as a free gift of his grace.

All this keeps us humble yet gives us hope. We cannot achieve the fruit of the spirit on our own, nor perfectly in this life. There is no way that we can live by the Spirit without the Spirit. Our growth in the Spirit is a dying growth; a dying to ourselves and a deeper daily dependence on his power. But he is at work... and one day, when the thin veil of this life is torn, we will be freed from the nature that still holds us to the sweet allure of sin, and we will find eternal delight in creating beautiful fruit, to give to our bountiful God, and to those around us.

Tagging for Jesus

2009-08-22T17:44:00.003-04:00

On Thursday night I went with some of the ministry team to paint a big RUF mural on the 34th Street wall. Using old house paint and pink spray paint, we made our mark on Gainesville. I still have a little pink paint on my toes. I never knew how fun it could be to paint huge RUF logos on street walls after midnight... just might have to do it again!

Type rest of the post here

To Florida I Have Come!

2009-08-22T16:11:00.004-04:00

Alli, Dad, and I entering Mississippi ~ Tropical storm Claudette from our motel room ~ Dad and I on Panama City Beach the next morning

A lot has happened in the last week. On Friday I left the mountains of Colorado and journeyed to the beaches of Florida. I pulled into Gainesville on Monday afternoon, had a RUF ministry team retreat on Tuesday and Wednesday, passed out fliers on campus Thursday, played capture the flag last night, and am going to a RUF dessert/pool party tonight. I have unpacked and settled into my new apartment with my awesome roommates, and started to figure out Gainesville. I have not figured out humidity yet, but I have discovered that one use is all you can get out of a t-shirt before it goes into the dirty clothes. A lot of things are different, many are the same, and Christ is still Lord over all.

Several people have asked what exactly I am doing here as an intern, and I usually have responded, "meeting new students, building relationships, and helping RUF at UF to better reach students with Christ." The reality of this last week is that I have no idea what I am doing here. I feel like a freshman myself, moving to a new city, new campus, trying to fit in. The students on leadership here are amazing; they could do my job so much better than I can. They know the town, the students, the campus and are organized, outgoing, and fun. Yesterday I was late to set up for capture the flag because I got lost, then couldn't find the supplies we needed in Walmart. I was stressing out, running around trying to find caution tape like the world depended on it. Then as I was rushing out to get to campus I got stuck in a traffic jam, getting frustrated and feeling quite inadequate. I was getting all worked up, and had to take a deep breath to calm myself and ground myself in the reality that my justification is not in how well I perform as an intern, or in how cool people think I am, or even in wanting to succeed, but my worth and identity is rooted and flourishes in Christ.

We talk often of our brokenness and how Christ's power is most clearly seen in our weaknesses, but I forget that feeling weak and broken actually hurts. The natural inclination of my heart is to turn in on itself to escape the pain, but by his grace I am learning to open myself to him in my hurt, loneliness, and sin; to feel his cleansing and supporting hand. I pray that I may offer this to others, that they would not see my strength but Christ's power at work. For without him, I am just a fake, running around trying to gain popularity points. With him, I can truly love others and find peace in any situation.

I have felt very welcomed and encouraged thus far, and though it seems overwhelming at times, know that I will find a place here. It is wonderful to see that wherever I go, no matter how different it is, Christ is still there. He is at work. In me, on campus, in RUF, everywhere I look he is creating a kingdom and a people for himself!

Divine Humility

2009-08-11T14:04:00.002-04:00

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! - Luke 15:17

We seem to always be ignoring or pushing against reality. No matter how much we claim to understand Truth, we live as we see fit. I find it fascinating that the catalyst for the prodigal son's repentance was an epiphany: a coming to himself, or coming to his senses. He had been living for himself, living within his own set parameters of how the world functionally operated. It was not logic, nor great exposition, nor high philosophy that led him to repentance; it was an awareness of how things actually were. He was able to step back, take a good look at his surroundings, and realize the reality of the situation: his brokenness.

If the catalyst for his repentance was an understanding of the reality of his brokenness, then the catalyst for that understanding was his pain and suffering. Christianity is not about living in prosperity or having the most comfortable lives we can now, it is about the mending of the broken relationship we have with our Father. Quite honestly health, wealth, and prosperity most often keep us far away and calloused to that relationship. The prodigal would have never repented, never crawled back to his Father if his money had not run out. His sufferings were not worth comparing to the glory of being reunited to his Dad.

I recently stumbled upon a few notes that I had taken when reading through C.S. Lewis' 'The Business of Heaven.' In the September 27th entry entitled, 'Divine Humility,' Lewis explains a possible answer as to why there is pain and misfortune in the lives of so many, "decent, inoffensive, and worthy people." Lewis argues that perhaps God, knowing their modest prosperity and happiness will eventually fall away from them, leaving them wretched because they did not learn to know him, troubles them, warning of their insufficiency, before their end destruction falls upon them. He causes them to see their need and makes this life less sweet in their eyes. Therefore, because of their trials they turn to God in repentance.

Lewis calls this divine humility because, "It is a poor thing to strike our colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to him as a last resort, to offer up 'our own' when it is not worth keeping." God could and justly should demand that we give him our all from the beginning, but he works in our lives, breaking us down till we come to him with nothing left. When he should be receiving our hearts, full and unspoiled, he lovingly runs to us and robes us when our hearts are mangled beyond recognition. God stoops down, tenderly bringing rest in his arms; the humility of such condescension and love is life changing.

Reflections on My Usefullness

2009-08-04T14:05:00.002-04:00

Last week I was in Atlanta, GA for RUF staff training. It was a great time of fellowship, instruction, and a reminder about why and how we do ministry. On Monday night of training, Rod Mays, the coordinator of RUF gave the opening address in which he, at one point, spoke on Philippians 1:21 "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Our joy and passion in this life should be to live for Christ, and therefore death is a much greater joy because we finally get to be with and live with our object of desire... Christ himself.

Thinking about this passage, I remembered an excerpt from The Valley of Vision, and was able to track it down again. From the prayer entitled Covenant, the author prays, "Suffer not my life to extend beyond my usefulness."

The only reason to remain on this earth is to proclaim to sinners, Christ. All other things I will have and be able to do abundantly more and better in Heaven: to worship, work, play, fellowship, and glory in Christ. The only useful thing that I cannot do more perfectly in Glory is to lead a sinner before the throne of my gracious Savior. Therefore, life is only worth living here as long as I am still of value to reaching the lost with the gospel.

I am not saying that life is worthless unless I am leading someone to Christ or that it is without purpose, far from it. Rather, I am agreeing with Paul that to die is gain... there is greater joy and life and understanding of purpose when freed from sin, and that living here in this time and space should be a continual proclamation of that good news, that hope. I pray that God use me mightily in the service of that gospel, and take me home quickly when I have completed all that he has for me.

"I pray that you light these idle sticks of my life that I might burn for you. I ask not for a long life, but a full one, like you Lord Jesus." - Jim Eliot

The Knot Hole

2009-07-25T16:19:00.004-04:00

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

This famous quote reminds us that human nature is never content with what it is given. We always feel entitled to more stuff, especially if those around us have that stuff. Along with the first quote, the lesser known "A garden in hand is worth two through the knot hole," inspired me to write the following:

The grass is green through the knot hole gnarled
The blue eye shines to see
The distant hills with trees to climb
Hint of the unknown

The boy with back to wilderness of wonder
Sits and dreams all day
Of fun to be had adventures won
Beyond the wall that is his bounds

The young man falls as he tries again
To breach the warding wall
He laughs and leaps to attempt anew
To gain what was not given

The man with mingled swears and sweat
Slumps against the wall
He never leaves his place of pride
To wander through his woods

The old man sits with quiet tears
His strength is all but gone
Never finding the farther field
His legacy a squandered life

The bones are white in a world of green
By the knot hole in the wall
The garden swells alive with spring
Bounty enough for any boy

-Its a little silly, but the poem gave me an excuse to play with photoshop to create the knothole pic... kinda fun

Lessons of a Spider

2009-07-25T14:04:00.004-04:00

This summer, especially the last few weeks, has been quite bittersweet. It is a closing of a chapter and the opening of a new one. I am saying goodbye to old friends and routines, and looking forward to starting a new life. It is a period of transition.

Late Thursday night I returned from the Arkansas River valley where I have worked for the CSU engineering department for over three and a half years. I go down to the valley about every month to collect water samples and gather data sets for several projects... it is good work, I work long days, and have hours by myself to think.

At one of the wells I was sampling this trip, after I had set up the equipment and was waiting for the water levels to stabilize, I noticed a spider near the well casing, beginning to spin a web. I must have torn through its old web as I set up, and it was beginning to repair its tattered home. I probably watched it for 10 minutes, mesmerized by the speed and confidence with which she worked. It was beautiful. She spun with the sure knowledge of which lines went where, just how many anchor lines to secure the more delicate sticky strands, running back and forth in her delicate dance. The movements looked chaotic up close, like she was just throwing out random webs, like silly string from her body. Then I pulled my focus back and was amazed to see an intricate spiral web like you see in children's books. I was glad I was not a fly just then.

I went back to reading the well data and taking samples, careful not to disturb the new web, and thought about my life. The strands of what has been my home and what has bound me in Fort Collins over the last 6 years have been slowly cut or are being broken. My old web is being torn down. There is pain, but there is promise.

The anchor lines that hold my web still remain. The lines that Christ has drawn cannot be parted, and insure that whatever my new web looks like over the coming months and years, He will still be the cornerstone from which all strands spring. Also, I will always have many of the old ties that I have built to friends and family to lean on and find joy. My web is not being consumed in a fire, it is being pruned. Certain parts are being removed in order that other lines may be drawn there... other relationships, experiences, and joys that I cannot yet imagine.

Though I am experiencing many sad partings, I have hope that I will weave under the watchful care of Christ, a brighter and more intricate web to His glory. To live this life is to spin, and I pray I may knit a beautiful dance, confident in His upholding hand.

God of the Living

2009-07-16T13:51:00.002-04:00

I was recently reading through Matthew and I came across an interesting account where the Sadducees, who did not believe in the resurrection, try to trap Jesus in his words. Jesus' reply is quite simple yet profound... "And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by God: 'I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not God of the dead, but of the living." And when the crowd heard it, they were astonished at his teaching. – Matthew 22:31-33

The Sadducees believed that only the Pentateuch was Holy Scripture given by God, and that it never spoke of the resurrection of the dead or affirmed an afterlife. Jesus shows the intrinsic logic of the resurrection from the account of Moses and the burning bush. God calls himself throughout the Pentateuch and in this account the 'God of Abraham, and the God of Issac, and the God of Jacob.' He says I AM their God, not I was their God.

God is the God of the living, and proves that his covenant promises to these men are still present tense. One does not call on witnesses who are dead, but those who can attest to the truth and validity of a claim. By calling himself the God of Abramham, Issac, and Jacob, He is calling them to the witness stand to prove his faithfulness. He is the God of the living.

This gives us hope, as children of the promise who have have not yet seen the full fulfillment of that promise in this life, that there are millions of saints who have gone before us that can proclaim the love, faithfulness, and provision of the Bridegroom to his bride. With those who are truly alive, and have shed this shell of death and disease, we can raise our voices and sing, “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:55)

God has ransomed us from death to life, to an eternity of vitality, joy, and glory. We will be resurrected because we are united to the Resurrection of Christ. So live for him, as He lives for us!

My Great Prayer Warrior

2009-07-15T18:04:00.002-04:00

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat,
but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." - Luke 22:31-32

Jesus is praying for me. Think about that. The God of the universe, the Second Person of the Trinity, the Creator of all things is praying for me. Robert Murray McCheyne a 19th century Scottish minister and theologion wrote, "If I could hear Christ praying for me in the next room, I would not fear a million enemies. Yet distance makes no difference. He is praying for me.” What fear do we have with such an ally? What hope! What power!

However, the terrifying part of this passage to my fallen nature is that Jesus prays His will for us and not our own wills. If Jesus told me, "Matt, Satan has demanded to lay hold of you that he might tear you apart," I would expect him to say, "But I have prayed that Satan would not lay hold of you." Instead He says, "But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail." Instead of protecting us from evil and pain, Jesus prays for us through evil and pain.

At first this seems harsh, even maniacal, but on closer inspection the love and purposes of God can be seen in all their beauty. If Jesus simply protected us from all temptations and pain, I would never understand my need for Him and turn to Him as my hope. Also, he prays for my faith... He sees the long run when I can only see and fear the present. He prays for my trust in Him and my delight in Him through my trials, so that one day with him I will truly be free of all pain and suffering forever. That is true hope.

With that truth I can pray boldly for the things in my life: for my RUF internship, for support to come in, for all the trials in my life... and not have any fear. Because even if all those things I hope in and pray for fail, He is still by my side praying for me and abiding with me.

So what do we do with this knowledge? When we have come out of the fires of life, being burned in the refining fire, we can approach others in their pain, drawing along side them with the hope that Jesus is praying for them too. That His ways, though strange and hard at times, are good and that He is drawing us to something greater than our earthly comfort. Himself.

At the End of the Day

2009-07-14T12:44:00.004-04:00

If you have not read Timothy Keller's The Prodigal God you are missing a wonderful, clear look into the heart of the gospel. God is a lavish extravagant God who richly blesses his sons even as they both constantly run from him; one through his lustful passions and the other through his passionless works. Both sons want their father's riches without the father himself. Listen to these amazing words from Keller...

“The story of Jesus tells us that our root problem is not just failing in our obediance to God [not being good enough...] but in RELYING on our obedience [being really, really good] to save us. Therefore, the gospel is a ‘third way’– neither religion NOR irreligion. The religious person may say, “I am doing the right things that God commands” and the irreligious person may say, “I decide what is right and wrong for myself.” But both ways reject Jesus as Savior (though they may revere Him as ‘Example’ or ‘Helper’). Both ways are strategies for self-salvation– both actually keep control of their own lives."

Wow. That is my heart. I constantly position myself to maintain control of my life instead of trusting and resting in Christ. Christianity is not religious law nor gratuitous self-indulgence... it is a relationship betwean a Father and the children he loves. When we cut out that relationship to seek only the riches gained by that acceptance and love, we hamstring the gospel and destroy the very heart and soul of Christianity.

Last night I came across an old receipt from a few months ago on which I had scribbled a chorus and a few lines of verse for a song I never finished. I stayed up till 2 but I think I finished it the way I originally intended. The song is about a Dad who loves his wayward boys and pursues them to bring them back to himself... It is a poem about our prodigal God:

I’ve been running from home for so long
Pursuing all that I knew to be wrong
I stole as much as I could as I spit in His face
Despising His love I trampled His grace
Not wanting my Dad only wanting His things
Worldly pleasures to flaunt my own play at king

How can I ever repay what I cost
The shame and death of bearing my cross
But as I opened my mouth to beg as a slave
He silenced my plea My son’s returned from the grave
Go slaughter the calf and prepare a great feast
Bring robes for my boy from bondage released

At the end of the day
When I’ve been running away
I turn to see
That you’ve pursued me
To lift me up from my fall
To carry me to your all
Not in spite of my sin
But that you have sent Him
I feel your loving embrace
Your amazing grace!

I’ve been running at home for so long
Working as hard as I could to seem strong
Proving my life was not vain as I smiled for show
Obeying the rules I let my bitterness grow
Not wanting my Dad only wanting his things
My inheritance owed my kingdom to cling

How can I ever break free of my pride
So polished but rotting inside
I see grace all around but it kindles my hate
It’s not fair I explode as He patiently waits
I love you my son not for work in the field
I’ve given you all a free gift unsealed

At the end of the day
When I’ve been running away
I turn to see
That you’ve pursued me
To lift me up from my fall
To carry me to your all
Not in spite of my sin
But that you have sent Him
I feel your loving embrace
Your amazing grace!

My sons I’ll bring you home to my side
Though the ransom cost me my life
High heights nor deep depths can sunder my love
Though you constantly run I am always enough
Do not be afraid Daddy’s here to provide
With great joy for my boys I’ll always abide

The Answer

2009-07-10T17:21:00.007-04:00

What to do with a Wednesday in the mid 90's with sunny skies and 0% chance of rain? The answer: Tube the Poudre River!

A few friends and I enjoyed the cold mountain river, floating lazily... except when the rapids flipped us over rocks, and basked in the summer sun. It was a perfect afternoon. A perfect day to give glory to the Creator of such beauty.

Even a family of Amish on their way up to the mountains in their blue bus preached Christ to the onlookers. Jesus Christ is the answer... and when seasoned with tubing on a river, the result is quite good!

Defining Ministry

2009-07-09T20:58:00.003-04:00

Recently I have been thinking about the RUF philosophy of ministry, especially how it relates to the identity of RUF… and the Church for that matter. The principles that drive the ministry and define who we are should be Scripture, our justification, sanctification, and glorification. But so often our churches are known as “the church that has this program” or “the church that believes that eschatology” instead of being known as “the church that believes that Jesus came to ransom sinners to Himself.”

I am often asked, “So what is RUF; what sets it apart?” I usually stammer something about our reformed theology or our non-parachurch distinctives. How often do I mention Christ?! It pains me that I do not present Christ as my joy and treasure, and that RUF is about Christ. Period.

I think this failure comes from a fallen belief that Christ is not sufficient in himself. We must have distinctives above and beyond Him to have a good, viable ministry. I pray that I may be more like Paul, recognizing the folly of earthly wisdom and the power of Christ: “And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” – 1 Cor. 2:1-2

Christ is more than sufficient to provide for our every need - even my need to defend RUF to others. I can boldly proclaim my (and RUF’s) weakness, because our identity is not in how we look to others or our numbers or any other criteria. Rather, our power and identity is in the finished work of Christ. This may seem foolish to others, but the power of God is perfected in our weakness. “ For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” – 1 Cor. 1:22-25

I pray that RUF will be known on campus as “that group who believes Jesus came to save sinners!”

Donations to my ministry with RUF at UF

2009-06-12T17:12:00.001-04:00

Thank you for your interest in supporting me financially as I minister to students in Florida! I work full time with RUF and am reliant on Christ, through you, for my financial needs as I work
with RUF at UF.

In order to move back to Florida in the fall, I must raise the support needed for this next year. As it stands, I need $20,000 to continue to work with RUF on campus. I ask that you consider giving to my ministry: If you gave last year, please consider supporting me again this year, and if you have not supported me, now is the perfect time to start!

You can email me at matt.bostrom@ruf.org to request a donation envelope or you can go online to www.ruf.org/donate and select staff member Bostrom, Matthew J.

I hope to be able to return in the fall to continue to be a part of God’s work in the lives of students at UF, and would love for you to continue to partner with me in spreading Christ’s gospel of grace! Thank You!

Hey... you don't live by a stream!?

2009-06-10T21:29:00.004-04:00

I do not live by a stream. So why with all the possible blog names out there did I choose Stream Dweller? I slaved for hours trying to come up with the perfect blog name; Ponderings on Wanderings, the Knot-hole, Gator Peak, Free Fuel Fridays, and Cross Country Chronicles to name a few. Then tossing those gems aside, I settled on the horrible name ‘Stream Dweller’. Let me explain.

My last name ‘Bostrom’ is a Swedish ornamental name composed of the elements bo ‘dwelling’ + ström ‘river/stream’. Thus my name means one who dwells by the stream. Crazy huh? Also, I like streams. One of my favorite things in the world is to fall asleep to the laughing gurgle of a mountain brook. Try it sometime… you’ll name you next blog ‘Streams of Beauty’ or ‘I Heart Gurgling’. However, the reason I finally decided on the blog name is more for its spiritual significance.

I am constantly dependent on the flowing grace of God, which is steadfast, unending, and new every morning. In Christ I can hope to be the man of God who is rooted by the water, and yields much fruit… not of my own prosperity, but because of my proximity to that Fountain of Life named Jesus.

1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. –Psalm 1:1-3

My joy and comfort are found when seeking after and delighting in the rich streams of mercy that were poured out for such a sinner as I. Grace is not a nice dainty to partake in every once in a while… It is water… I thirst for and soon die without it.

1 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God. – Psalm 42:1-2

Through the pain, terror, and death of this life the only anchor that I know to sustain hope is the cross. In the midst of trials and valleys of darkness, He guides me to his restorative grace. For the Joy set before me, and drinking richly from the cup even in the presence of my enemies, I shall not be moved.

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 3 He restores my soul. – Psalm 23:1-3

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. – Psalm 46:4-5

Christ himself is my stream, my torrent, the flood that satisfies my soul and gives the life that I seek in so many other vain things. An interesting thing happens when I stop pursuing my own passions and seek to rest in Christ, he gives me the happiness I was greedily trying to steal for myself, and out of me springs the very power and Spirit of Jesus. It is very humbling, very freeing, and very good.

37 On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” 39 Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. – John 7:37-39

13 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – John 4:13-14

Even our tap water is bought with a price. So too is our water of Life; but we did not pay for it. He is the Beginning and End, the Author and Perfector, the Source and Protector of Grace. It is Christ who has conquered for us and given us all things, even his Sonship and inheritance. To the weak and broken he extends his cup and says, “Come and drink. My blood has been poured out for you!”

6 And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. - Revelation 21:6-7

I am a stream dweller. I know no other stand. I pray that God roots me to this ground; that I never wander after broken cisterns for satisfaction. He is good. The most glorious thing is that I do not live by a stream… The Stream has come to dwell with me.

Hello!

2009-06-10T17:33:00.001-04:00

Welcome to Stream Dweller, my new blog for sharing my life with you. Later this summer I will be moving to Gainesville, Florida to begin my two year internship with Reformed University Fellowship (RUF) at the University of Florida. This blog will be a place where I post often (hopefully), keeping you up to date in my life, informing you of the progress of the ministry on campus, my current thoughts and feelings, and a place where I can post current prayer requests and needs. I know your feedback and comments will be a great encouragement!

-Matt

I am a Branch... Sweet!

2009-01-29T17:11:00.003-05:00

1 O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? - Galatians 3:1-3

As Americans we pride ourselves on our independence. It is the cornerstone of our rights and of our lifestyles. Gandhi believed that “To safeguard democracy the people must have a keen sense of independence, self-respect, and their oneness.” We pursue our individual freedom (and others right to theirs) and believe that happiness is secured by choosing, for ourselves alone, what is best. Right up there with Gandhi is Madonna who voices the heart of most Americans: "I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.” The rhetoric sounds great, but does it hold up to the reality of the world we live in?

As is usually the case, scripture stands in direct opposition to the beliefs of our culture. The Bible again and again states that true freedom is found in our dependence, not in our independence. The first sin ever committed was one of independence, and it made us slaves to that sin. True freedom is found in our dependence on Christ… our resting on him alone. In Sunday school we learned that we are the branches and he is the vine. We can try all we want, but we still need him for all nourishment, stability, and life itself. Our culture is full of people trying to be something they are not… little vines. It is time to embrace the reality that we are branches.

In this passage Paul uses surprisingly strong language, vehemently challenging the actions of the Galatian church. What were they guilty of? Exactly what we are… living to justify themselves before God, and thinking that now that they were saved by Christ they had to live a certain way. Their motivation was not joy through resting in the finished work of Christ, but a sense of obligation to live worthy enough to deserve of God’s love. The point of the gospel is that we are never worthy; we were not worthy when God called us, we are not worthy of the acceptance we now have, and we will never be worthy enough to give back to God in the least what we owe for the infinite joys of heaven. That is why grace is a gift… it cannot be merited or deserved. What is merited and deserved is justice for sin and wrath of a Holy God. We are utterly dependent on the mercy of our Father.

We forget so often that our sanctification, our growth in the Christian life, is a growth in grace and not a growth in works. It is a growth in our dependence on Christ and a deeper understanding that it is his Spirit in us that guides and sustains us. Dependence is our freedom and joy. We were created as dependent creatures to live in perfect communion and satisfaction when resting in him. How we have twisted that reality. O what a privilege, joy, and hope we have in being branches when united to such a marvelous, loving, and faithful Vine!

There is Therefore NOW

2009-01-19T17:13:00.001-05:00

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:1

This past week I have been cycling this verse through my mind again and again. The natural bent of the human heart, and the root of all my sin is self justification. I think I am an independent creature and can satisfy my soul apart from anyone or anything. But the law is a mountain, constantly crushing and exposing my work for the terrible evil it is. I constantly struggle within myself, the redeemed son seeking to do one thing, and my sinful nature opposing and countering that trust. I reach the place of Paul in Romans 7, crying out, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

Romans 8:1 is, right now, my favorite verse in the Bible.

“There is therefore…” The ‘therefore’ here refers to the victory over sin and death in Christ Jesus that Paul has been drawing out and building since chapter 3. It is a summary and conclusion; “Because of what I have explained to you about the nature of Christ, this is so.” The promises of God are as sure and concrete as they are glorious. Christ has accomplished all that my independence has failed and cost, THEREFORE I am not condemned.

There is always something in my life condemning me. I don’t live up, I don’t accomplish, I don’t love, I don’t care. Sin seeks to keep me in bondage to the slavery of condemnation. I think the hardest thing about the entire gospel to believe is that I am not condemned. I have lived my whole life in condemnation that when I am free of it, I have nothing to take its place and turn back to it just to fill the void. But Christ is constantly along side, scooping out the condemnation, reminding me that I am justified in him and that his peace fills the void. Justification is a legal standing; once given it is truth and reality, and cannot be revoked. It is a marriage covenant with the most faithful Being. He never rescinds or annuls his promises.

My favorite part of this verse is the word ‘now’. I can believe in a theoretical justification later, when I have my life together or when I am finally in heaven, but to think that I am justified NOW even in the midst of my sin is staggering. Christ’s atoning sacrifice covered all my sin: past, present, and future. He started the work in my heart and carries it to consummation. I am as justified now as I will be a billion years from now when I live in perfect communion and relationship with Him. This is Truth, Christ is Truth; He is the way, the means, the end. Everything is bound together in him, including us. We can cry with Paul, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” NOW... There is nothing so lovely in the entire universe.

Desire’s Destruction, Deliverance, and Delight

2008-05-01T23:52:00.002-04:00

"If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is not part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." -- C. S. Lewis “The Weight of Glory”

Noah Webster (the author of the dictionary) wrote, “We believe the Supreme Being created intelligent beings for some benevolent and glorious purpose, and if so, how glorious and benevolent must be his purpose in the plan of redemption!” He recognized that we as humanity are purposed for pleasure and glory at the core of who we are. We delight, and this is not a bad thing. Desires and longings for happiness are not wrong or abnormal. We were made for that very end. In fact, everything we do is motivated by the desire for happiness and the joy it provides. The French mathematician Pascal understood this well; “All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves.” Pascal is saying that we all have a great void within us, a longing, which we seek to fill with whatever we think will make us happy. What men fill it with may differ, but the void is the greatest reality that we see in humanity. I believe that this void that has been created in us is boundless in scope… I am always filling it, but it is never full. I always want more. I stumble not only in the measure of my desire, but also in the object of my desire. I am a creature who is designed with a heart satisfied in nothing but the infinite, yet I seek to fill my pail with mud.

The soul feeds always, never full; on what, you ask, it feeds?
“What ere you give it,” Truth replies, “On this world or on Me.”
Two loves can no man satisfy, nor slave two masters serve;
A heart that beats to God and world, finds wrath of both incurred.

This is the tragedy of the fall. We were made with infinite desires and placed in a world that was infinitely satisfying, to walk and fellowship in the cool of day with the infinite God, and find in him all pleasure and all delight and all glory, forever. Instead, in a moment of weakness, we took our eyes off our treasure, and sought happiness apart from infinite God; placing our hope in the one thing that he forbad, and trusted in finite creation to satisfy our souls. Thus sin and death permeated all things, even our desires. The very nature of sin is a perversion; a depraved misplacement of our affections and desires. It is a lust; a grasping of a good and right longing, such as sex, food, wealth, authority, happiness, etc. and taking it out of the glorious context in which is was purposed, and not glorifying God through it. Oh how I fill my pail with rotting and dead things! Every action I take and motivation of my heart falls immeasurably far from the requirement of the Law: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and love my neighbor as myself. What remains but sin? It is a staggering thought. I may try to hide my sin with masks and ‘good’ deeds, but my heart is wretched. My fallen nature is a slave to sin.

So often, instead of driving me to my face before the cross, my guilt and shame drive me to try to improve my thoughts and actions. You cannot improve the dead, but oh how I try. I often first attempt to suppress and cage my desires, locking them deep inside a prison of willpower. This may work for a short time, but the walls are habitually paper thin, or I become complacent and the sweet whisper of pleasure from sin lulls me to unlock the door I swore never to open again. I let my guard down, and sin glides upward to choke and destroy me, even as it promises life and joy. Sin always matures in death, and when I see death consummated in the consequences of my actions and the desires of my heart, I try to tear and scrape away the scum and razor claws of the fiend lodged within my soul. I struggle and strive, biting and fighting the beast, and many times I succeed (at least I perceive that I have won) in disinterring the mess from my heart. But the problem is not the sin itself… it is my heart. The deepest roots of my heart are intimately entwined with sin, separating the two is to destroy the plant, it cannot be done. So like all weeds the sinful roots of my heart soon spring forth a thousand new fingers that seek to steal my life. And I despair. How many times do I have to wrestle with the same sin? How often do I have to battle conflicting desires in my soul? It is bitter bile, the anguish of hating sin, while at the same time fostering its growth in my heart. I allow sin to swallow me, even as I know the pain and suffering it breeds.

Intimacy with anyone seems completely lost and even vain as I see the darkness of my thoughts. All resistance to sin seems futile when you have no hope, and the heart ceases to even try to fight the beast. So again sin drives home to the mark, and again I fall, and despair, at the end of myself. It is here, when I am at my lowest that He finds me. He curls up next to my broken soul, and whispers the sweetest, most satisfying phrase the world has ever known, “This is what the LORD says: ‘In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, “Come out,” and to those in darkness, “Be free!” They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill. They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.’” (Isaiah 49:8-10) My soul basks in the light of these words. I yield my flickering will to him, and I rest in his might alone.

I love the seeming paradoxes and the diverse excellencies within the nature of Jesus: God/man, strength/humility, justice/mercy, meekness/majesty, etc. But by far my favorite illustration of his diverse excellence is the image of the lion and the lamb. Christ is both the Lion of Judah, who upholds righteousness, and crushes his enemies in the dust, as well as the Lamb who was slain, through whom all enter into life, and through whose obedience grace flows in rich waves. These images blur into the full person of Christ. Who, through his perfectly righteous life, sacrificial death on the cross, and conquest of death in the resurrection, binds a sinner like me to himself with an unyielding love that transposes all his righteousness, inheritance, and life to me, completely restoring me to his glory. What an amazing work! That this Lamb of Judah (as I see him) would descend from the glorious intimacy of heaven, take on a weak human body, serve those who despised him, live the Law which I cannot even imagine the extent of, die in my stead, and transfer his worth to me, who squanders his Fathers inheritance at every chance. What love! I have nothing to boast in, save Christ. I was a filthy monster who is now accepted as son into the loving home of my Father.

In one of my favorite passages in Lewis’ ‘The Voyage of the Dawn Treader’, Eustace, a rotten, spoiled boy who only thinks of himself, slips away in order to avoid having to work. He stumbles upon a dragon’s treasure trove and being overtaken by his greed, stuffs his pockets full of treasure, and slips a gold bracelet up his arm. He falls asleep, happy that he now can pursue his own pleasures in this world. When he wakes up several hours later, he realizes that he has become a dragon. Being a monster, he recognizes how terrible his previous behavior has been, how he cared only for himself, and seeks to make amends by using his strength to help others. He feels good about his work, but is very much alone and fears that he will not be able to continue on with his companions. One night, as he is kept awake by the pain of the gold bracelet biting into his leg and wondering what will become of him, the lion Aslan comes to him bathed in light. Eustace is dreadfully afraid of the lion but cannot escape its gaze, and follows the lion to a pool of water, deep in the mountains. Seeing the clean water, Eustace realizes that if he were to bathe in the pool the pain from the bracelet might ease. But before he can enter the pool the lion tells him he must first undress. Eustace is confused at first, until he remembers that dragons are snake-like and snakes can shed their skins. So he begins to rip at his scales, pealing his skin off like a banana until it is lying next to him on the ground. It is a lovely feeling, and he starts to move toward the pool again until he realizes he has another skin, just as gnarled and ugly as the first. He rips off two more layers of scales and skin, but each time, a deeper layer is exposed and he knows that it is no good. Then Aslan approaches and tells Eustace that He must undress him. Eustace is afraid of his claws, but is so desperate that he lies back and braces for the lion’s paw…

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away… Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.”

Jesus is the only one who can remove my depraved nature, and grant me a new life. He bathes me in the roaring torrent of his grace and not only washes me, but gives me a new heart, new affections, new eyes to behold and enjoy his righteousness. On the cross, in his last moments before death, Jesus cried out, “It is finished!” This is the reality that all history previous pointed toward, and all history since has attested. In Christ, God by his grace has manifested his glory in such a way as to redeem for himself a people. And that redemption is finished. Christ died once for all my sin. The third verse of ‘How Great Thou Art’ (probably my favorite hymn), attests to the wonders of this reality, “And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin. Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee, How great Thou art, How great Thou art!”

As I dwell on the love of Christ and the fact that the infinite God of the universe humbled himself and became like one of his creatures, to die for me and make me whole, I cannot but worship him. My soul finds satisfaction and rest in him, and I yearn to draw near to such love and power. And the amazing thing is… he lets me. Not only lets me, he draws me into his glory and riches so that all that is his is now mine. He fills the infinite void in my soul with himself, until I am overflowing. This is why the scriptures say that faith without works is dead. Justification is by faith alone, but not by a faith that is alone. True belief in the grace of Christ to sinners, necessarily produces works; the overflow of a soul united to Christ is not optional, it is the natural out workings of so much love poured into me that I cannot hold it all in. It slips through my fingers and exudes from every pore, drenching all with whom I come into contact, in the hope and joy flowing from that fountain of life. My desire finds its fill in him, and overflows in my love and delight.

It is easy at this point to simply shout, “Amen!” and leave feeling good and thinking about the joys of his glorious grace. And this is not wrong by any means, but I think a thought rises to the mind that must be addressed. Why don’t I live like this? If these truths are real and Christ has imputed to me his righteousness, then why do I love my sin? Most of the time I don’t even care about God or I actively oppose him. It is vital to realize that though Christ victoriously won the War on the cross, we are still engaged in battle. Though I am freed from my slavery to sin, and am now a prince of His kingdom, fallen nature is still alive, clinging desperately to the pleasures of sin; at every turn seeking to overpower the will and desires of my new heart… And so often it wins, crushing me with worry, fear, and apathy, until I lose sight of any hope at all. Left to my own means, I quickly fall again into the sin that beckons so seductively but turns to death in my mouth.

But I am not alone. In Christ I am united to his life and to his Spirit. The same Spirit that dwells within Christ and sustained him through his earthly trials is alive and active within me. It is the Spirit that keeps and grows me in the grace of Christ Jesus, and it is that Spirit who intercedes on my behalf, with groaning too deep for words, before the throne of God. He ordains means in my life: prayer, scripture, teaching, reproach, community, the fellowship of other believers, which draw my heart back to him. He frees my will to love; He gives me the ability and the desire to carry out his restorative work in creation. Jonathan Edwards dives into this seeming paradox that God produces all the work yet we are the ones at work, “In efficacious grace we are not merely passive, nor yet does God do some and we do the rest. But God does all, and we do all. God produces all, we act all. For that is what produces, viz. our own acts. God is the only proper author and fountain; we only are the proper actors. We are in different respects, wholly passive and wholly active.” It is a struggle to grapple with this idea of sanctification through the Spirit, but for myself, I know it produces at its core - hope.

Christ is at work within me. The same Spirit that saved me when I was dead in sin is leading me to glory. John Newton in ‘Amazing Grace’ put it so beautifully, “Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.” It is by grace that I am saved and by grace I am lead to my end delight. What hope! That I can have full assurance of my salvation, because all was placed upon Christ, and it does not depend on how well I perform, for he has taken the justice of God’s divine wrath upon himself, and still is here along side, guiding and persevering me to the end!

Only when I am freed from the curse of the law, can I truly find joy in pursuing it. When I am drawn back again to the glorious grace of Jesus, I delight in the righteousness of God. I pursue holiness not out of obligation, but because I get to pursue it. That becomes my heart’s desire and prayer. I can ask a good Father who loves to bless his children, and know that he will provide more than all I need. Martin Luther understood that our supplications will be granted in far greater abundance than we can ask or even imagine; “All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired, although not in the hour or in the measure, or the very thing which they ask. Yet they will obtain something greater and more glorious than they had dared to ask.” The answer to all our prayers is God himself. We should pray boldly knowing that our desires begin and end in him, and he will not disappoint.

We were created to find joy, rest, satisfaction, and delight in him, so bringing honor and praise to the glory of his name. We find that all desire is met in him. Even now we see dimly, and await the day when faith shall be sight and the infinitely satisfying God shall dwell among us, and have intimate fellowship with us, forever! That is our hope. That is the fuel that fans the engine of our battle with sin. True, often we will fail and fall and forget, but thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! He has won the victory and is enabling the eyes of our hearts to fix more often and with greater yearning on our Lord.

C.S. Lewis wraps up Eustace’s encounter with Aslan, and the impact it had on his affections with this final paragraph: “It would be nice, and fairly true, to say that "from that time forth Eustace was a different boy". To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.”

The following poem is the journey of my heart as I struggle and relapse in sins, lusts, and misplaced desires, yet discovering that freedom, joy, and satisfaction are found only in Him. My prayer is that through my ramblings the cure might be that much more realized in your life. Enjoy!

Desire’s Destruction, Deliverance, and Delight

Eyes dwell becoming lust rendering intrinsic beauty lost;
Objectified the tender heart is trampled through the mud.
Glorious desire dies defiled as patience broken yields,
Thoughts impure cloud conscience, and judgment falls overruled.

Love whispered future flower of patience nurtured grace,
A union of deep desire, satisfaction sweet the taste.
But callous heart with cravings rash tears at budding stem;
For fleeting gain and costs unseen, apathy will not condemn.

Mind hides itself in masks of good, but heart is black as night.
A whitewashed tomb appears so pure but swarms with deadly blight.
Intimacy is then extinguished by fear of being known;
Content to clutch at hobby sins leaves soul to die alone.

Yet desire met in self quick turns to ashes on the tongue;
Saltwater to the thirsty soul and vacuum to the lung.
Spirit longs for something more and hates the lusts of heart,
While fallen nature, slave to sin, tears righteous law apart.

Nature clings what spirit seeks to fling with all its might;
Battle rages mind and soul the slippery slope the fight.

Spirit cages to suppress poisoned fangs of sinful lust,
Yet lulled to free buy honeyed lips heart opens door in trust.
Lies so hoped in slither soul-ward, through chinks in armored mail,
And whisper sweet fulfilling as coils choke, restrict, ensnare.

Soul springs to life with fear and hate as seed matures in violent death,
Tearing ripping at the beast, exhuming ingrown vile breath.
With satisfaction casts aside parasite from bloody wound,
But like all weeds, sin’s roots go deep, and ere long fester if not pruned.

Heart screams in pain with all despair as soul is raped for thousandth time;
Mind in bondage, slave to sin, cries anguish of fatal crimes.
All hope of love seems lost and vain as thought exposes heart again;
A dog returning to his vomit with guilt and shame of sin.

Nature clenches for the kill, crushing resistance into dust.
Striving spirit at end of self cannot ward sin’s deadly thrust.
Yet even as soul lies dying, Truth whispers sweet refrain,
“I live and died for you my son to break your captive chains!”

Spirit yields what nature needs to wield control of fight;
Surrendering will and freeing soul to rest within His might.

He bounds to me with lion’s roar, the Lamb of Judah who was slain.
I cower in terror before His face, glory reveals my every stain.
I see my filth and seek to purge the monster from the man;
Ripping scales is pleasurable pain, yet deeper sin will there expand.

The growl is rich that stops my hand and I weep for I am lost.
Dead wretch I am who owns but naught and infinite is the cost.
Yet He pulls me close with unyielding love, I sink within His mane;
I smell Him, touch Him, hear and taste, our tears mingle, fall like rain.

He lifts his paw in love and power through which the worlds were made;
Down descending rending flesh, a heart piercing consuming blade.
Excruciating pain cleaves my soul, but blood that flows is not my own;
Fire from eternal fount scours all taint from hopeless bones.

Within the wellspring of His grace I am born again made new,
A clean heart beating within my frame, His holiness to pursue.
I rise, feel life within the vein, a prince in thought and youth,
And gaze upon His radiant light, resounding laughter deep in truth.

Spirit yearns what desire loves, to burn in glory’s blaze;
And in that fire be refined with joy till end of days.

Eyes dwell becoming love within the freedom of His grace,
Majesty my motivation, while I ever seek His face.
He restores to me a spirit pure, and arms me for the fight;
Desire finds its rest and fill, for He is my delight.

Yet the battle is not over, though the war itself is won,
Fallen nature still alive, opposed to glorious son.
Fear steals trust and apathy chokes when I wander from His throne;
Heart finds glory in itself, while joy is sought alone.

But Spirit dwells, my fount of life, to sustain in sovereign grace;
Ordaining means and freeing will to thrive in His embrace.
Intimate prayer, His Holy Word, the fellowship of sinner saints,
Grow and keep me in His fold, amazing love my sin’s restraint.

My passion for His glory is the purpose of my being;
The means and end entwined in Him, tree of life so rich and freeing.
Till one day then with victor’s crown and shout of acclamation,
I shall ever with Christ dwell, He my desire and elation.

Passion for the Day

2008-02-15T03:08:00.001-05:00

Colors cascade down molten sky
Clouds burst in fiery soft array
Then quenched in power by azure sea
As passion fades from life to gray

The hot flush fades from sun-kissed cheeks
As Earth turns her face in blush
To cool excited skin and seas
A respite from her lover’s touch

She sleeps the silent stars her dream
Space cradles with protective night
Then waking finds her lover’s face
As he softly plants his kiss of light

Joyful beams fracture frail dawn sky
Through radiant glow the night gives way
Frost fights in vain life’s fearsome fire
And yields to passion hope of day

To Glory the Feast

2008-02-05T06:04:00.000-05:00

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let the sea resound, and all that is in it;

let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them.
Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy;

they will sing before the LORD, for he comes,
he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples in his truth.

– Psalm 96:11-13

Have you ever imagined what it would be like for all the trees and forests to sing for joy? The intrinsic beauty of their creator within their midst producing an unrestrained ecstasy so powerful as to manifest itself in the language of music? Neither have I. I have not the capacity. That future resonance has but an echo in the beauty we see in nature around us. Creation groans with labor pains, to deep to perceive, waiting for the sons of God to be revealed in glory as the Lord of the universe makes His dwelling among them. Yet even in their groaning, beauty and life leaks through to grace my senses. I have been blessed to grow up in Colorado, seeing the cycles of seasons and the majestic scope of natural grandeur in my day to day life. So often I take for granted the obvious majesty displayed all around me - soaring above my head and fading beneath my feet as I worry my way through existence. Yet occasionally I find myself face to face with the magnitude of such quiet strength and displays of such subtle splendor that I cannot but vent my heart in pleasure. Such occasions are often found for me as I study the complex simplicity of the tree and the intricacies that run the length of her mighty boughs. Especially in autumn, as a chill seeps into the air, the trees seem to exude gratitude and praise for recent grace into every stem and leaf. Caught in the midst of such worship this fall, I had to add my small voice to their chorus:

To Glory the Feast

The leaves fall radiant, crowned gold with emerald vein;
Upon grass still green
To lightly settle there.
Flaming flakes to grace the ground;
Trees singing praise in fading.
From bud to flower, leaf and fruit, the branch has worked its full;
And now in rest, its labor done,
Dons gown to glory in the feast.
With celebration finished she fades to rest,
In peace to fly the frost.
Until with strength renewed, she stretches branches in the spring;
With buds unfurled and songs of youth,
Another season stirs the soul.

Ramblings on Death

2008-01-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

I am going to die. One hour? Three weeks? Eight months? Sixty years? This mortal shell will crack. Death is a constant that grinds against all life on this earth. We will all die; yet it is such taboo to talk or think about for most people. I am a procrastinator; there is always time to put stuff off, but I cannot understand those who procrastinate or altogether blow off the reality that soon, very soon, we will die. There are many differing beliefs and hopes about what happens to us at death; most humans, even many non-religious people, believe in some form of an afterlife. Others say we will just cease to exist at death, like a flame blown out by the wind. Aristotle, on the concept of nothingness is quoted as saying, “Nothing is what rocks dream about." I had to laugh at myself when I first heard this, as I tried with my mind (something) to grasp this concept of nothing. But I soon sobered as I contempated simply not being. For me, as a self-aware being, that nothingness is one of the most terrifying thoughts I can possibly imagine. I would struggle relentlessly to stay alive; morals, society, other human life, even my children, would be instantly sacrificed if it meant delaying death by even an hour. If man is simply a physical being, you have to believe in nothingness at death; there cannot be an afterlife. This is so counter intuitive to thought, reason, and importantly for me, to justice. The 911 terrorists got away with it. The death row rapist and murderer got a free pass. Stalin and Hitler and all of the instigators of hate crimes against humanity for all time are let off the hook at death. And I applaud them. For there is no humanity, morals or justice; nothing matters, for nothing we are and to nothing we will be bound after this brief flicker of a life. There is absolutely no purpose. At death we do not “go to a better place” or any wishful rest in the cosmos, we don’t even go to a worse place, we simply come to an end. What do you live for? I see no point.

That is one of the most horrifying thoughts: nothingness and its implications. However, the most terrifying thing a soul can ever dwell upon is Hell. If God Is, and he is righteous and holy in nature as the Bible claims, then all that is not holy will not and cannot subsist with him. God, being in his very nature perfect, holy, righteous, and just, hates sin and will not overlook the guilty. And I am guilty. Ever since sin entered the world, and death through sin, there has been an infinite rift between God and man. Many people believe that this gap can be overcome by simply being more like God, namely being a better person (or at least doing more good than bad). I often compare myself to others… “I do some things that are wrong, but I am not nearly as bad as that guy.” But even if the sum of my thoughts (good = positive, bad = negative) is positive (which is an utterly false premise to begin with), and I am clearly more positive than those around me, I forget the rest of the equation. God is infinitely holy. The difference, infinity minus any quantifiable good that I could do, is still infinity. God’s righteous anger burns against all sin and it will be cast away from him forever, to bear the weight of an all-powerful God’s wrath. I have heard some joke that they would rather be in Hell than have to live with all the smiling preachers in the clouds. O if they only understood the eternal torment in soul and body, the weeping forever in the dark, and the complete lack of purpose, hope, or love that is the truth of Hell. God is the ultimate reality; all meaning, joy, and life is derived from him, and an existence utterly apart from him, suffering the wrath of his justice is terrible even to think about. Infinite anguish is the reality of death that we will all face, and the just consequence for my sin and distain of God.

But while God is a just and wrathful God, he is also a God of mercy and love. God saw fit to display his glory in such a way that his grace would be magnified for all eternity. And this is grace: that God took the weight of wrath and just punishment for my sin upon himself, absolving me completely, and placed upon me instead the joy of his glory and status of being his son. It is staggering to think that we in Christ are called the Sons of God. His Son is Christ, begotten from and so personal to the Father as to be one Being; and now we get to share in that intimacy. God is ours. Its sounds almost blasphemous, but in Christ God presents himself to us to dwell with us for all eternity and gives us all that he has. Jesus defines eternal life in a prayer to his Father in this way, “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” Heaven is an intimate knowing of God, discovering his beauties forever. So often my apathy keeps me from cherishing this truth, my cares and desires in this life seem so far removed from such majestic transcendent thoughts. Realizing that the thin veil between this life and that can be torn at any time, anchors me to the glories of heaven, and puts perspective on this life and my coming death. Death holds no sting, no pain, no parting for me. This is the reality of death for the Christian. It ushers in the reality that I was made for and will find perfect satisfaction in forever. Nothing in the entire universe is so sweet. The Westminster Catechism tells us that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I would argue that those two ends are one in the same… my ultimate purpose is to glorify God by enjoying him forever. My satisfaction in God and the joy found in his gift of life to me, is how God receives glory in my life. And how can I not find joy and satisfaction in resting in him who has saved me from such a terrible death and given to me all things?

God is infinitely worthy of all praise and glory, and thus all beings will display his glory forever… either the glory of his wrath in Hell, or the glory of his grace in Heaven. Death will find us all… in which way will you display his glory when it does?

Red Dawn

2007-11-27T04:00:00.000-05:00

Inspiration often comes at the most unlikely times and in the most improbable places. I have a ‘blackout curtain’. It effectively blocks all external light from invading my room, allowing for optimal daylight-free sleep. However, on the particular Sunday morning that inspired the following verses, the curtain was not closed completely. I woke randomly as the sun was rising, painting my walls in living reds and oranges, and bathing the room in a diffused ruby glow. As my eyes adjusted to the radiance and my mind slowly started to function, I was struck by the simple beauty, and thought I would write about it. As I reached for my notebook, other parts of my brain started to click on… groggy voices of reality, “Dude, its like 6 in the morning, screw poetry…go to bed,” and, “Matt, look, if you’re going to do something productive, you should do homework or read or something, you’ve got a ton of stuff to do.” So I ended up just lying on my bed for a while thinking of all the things pressing down on me: worries, hurts, pain, anxieties, struggles, sin. Bogged down in these thoughts I feared the fresh trials that awaited me, the suffering and struggling I would have to endure. Why does God allow sin to swallow me? How can it possibly work for my good and His glory? I doubt. I know, but I do not trust.

Sometimes I get close to the fire. So close to the fire of seeing and living in the sufficiency of Christ that I understand what it would look like to follow him completely: the love, the joy, the peace. Even through the worst trials I could laugh in glorious hope. Yet even as I reach for that fire, I am afraid of the burn; scared of what comforts and sin I have to give up, what changes in myself. Refining hurts. Self-preservation pulls me back from the flame, not comprehending that true self thrives to completion in the blaze. Jesus becomes my go-to guy if things get tough. I pat him on the back, “Hey man, thanks a ton for biting the bullet and dying for my crap, but ah…yeah I think I got it from here. Cya, I owe you one!” I do whatever I please, whistling to myself as I mold my faith into a box that serves my needs.

I have friends, if I can term them that, who I call, never to just hang out, or because I care deeply what is going on in their lives, but because they can do something for me. Occasionally they’ll get a call from me, “Can I borrow such and such? Does Taco Bell still serve Cheesy-Gordita-Crunches? By the way, how are you?” That is how I often relate; working my own way, independent; unwilling to get too close to others, or them too close to me. I seek relationships of convenience that meet my requirements. I skim the surface, the effort of diving to the depths for pearls too demanding and uncomfortable. My relationship with my savior is strikingly similar. He is a Facebook friend who receives a happy birthday wall-post once a year. I hold him who knows me better than myself, at arms length in my pride. I always seem to know what’s best for me. Like my lucky 8-ball, I go to him for advice and shake him until I can read my desired result. I am comfortable in having occasional dealings with God, where he gives me a yearly spiritual (like a physical), and snapping off his gloves says, “Looks good Matt, just work on your lust, and avoid lying. I recommend you read 5 chapters of the Bible a week, and an occasional prayer might do the trick.” But this is not relationship. Relationship to the Lord is a continual communing, founded in faith, hope, and love, wherein I trust and depend completely in him, and as my eyes become ever more fixed upon his, my pleasures, pain, pride, and all else, fades away in the light of his glory and grace. It is not I who am able to accomplish this faith and dependence on my own, but Christ working through me. God adopts me. I become a prince and heir of his glory, his son, eternally to know and be known by him. This relationship has no fear of rejection.

Ironically, the times when I see and believe most strongly in my Father’s sustaining relational love are often the times when I experience the most hurt, suffering, and disappointment. It takes outcrops of pain to puncture the smooth bubble of comfort I have created around me. Only then when I have nothing and my world is crumbling around me, do the scales fall from my eyes and I am able to truly see my savior. I realize that I have been leaning and relying on my own strength and power to justify myself before the face of God. Martin Luther touches on this when he wrote, “Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing.” My striving is losing. I rely on my own strength to do ‘good’, but in doing so I lose touch with the reason I want to be good in the first place; the surpassing love and glory of Christ. Sanctification is a response to past grace and a reliant hope in future sustaining grace; and only when I understand that I bring nothing to the table and am truly dead in and of myself, can I glory and live in the fact that I am made alive through Christ and only by him. It is very freeing not constantly having to hide my sin and dress myself up, but come to him as I am and him begin to work love in me through that knowledge of himself. Without a firm grasp on justification, my sanctification becomes hollow and dangerously seeks to become my justification. In order to truly love others, I must constantly realize that I am a dependent creation, relying solely on the love of another to rescue me from very real death.

And rescue me he does. Eighteenth century preacher Robert Robinson in one of my favorite hymns put it so poetically, “Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood.” While I was his enemy, dead in my sin and deserving to drown in wrath, he pursued me and breathed life into me even as he took my burden and the weight of wrath upon himself. He died bearing that weight. And in doing so he broke the yoke of death, binding me to himself with an eternal weight of glory so intimate the only human analogy that we can fit to such marvelous union is the family. I am made to be the bride of Christ, his beloved in whom he delights, and adopted as a son by the Father and heir to his infinite estate. The God of the universe became a slave so that I might become his son.

When I begin to grasp the ramifications of this love and power, that he is in control and works all my pain to my ultimate benefit, my clinging fingers can begin to loosen their hold on my fear, anxieties, and doubt. As I fix my eyes and my heart more firmly in the Truth I have found in the finished work of Christ, I hope. I yearn. I long for the day when my faith shall be sight and I see my Lord in all his glory; and dwell with him forever, spending the rest of eternity exploring the mighty heights and depths, discovering the vast ocean breadth of God.

The original last verse of Robinson’s Come Thou Fount is a poignant prayer of longing. My heart sings and basks in the passion of his words:
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

With these truths in mind and with a heart tuned to sing his praise, I opened my notebook. And as the dawn melded into another grace filled day I began to compose my thoughts into the following poem.

Red Dawn

Red dawn cuts crimson, rending shallow sleep; I stir.
Eyes flicker, focus, fail, greeting streams of screaming scarlet; I stretch.
Cobwebs, clutter fall, melt away as morning mists
Yet woes and worries mount in mind, anxieties oppress; I fear.
“Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning,” ringing in my ears.

What tempest tests these timbers on horizon hovers fast?
What storm sounds this feeble frame, will I weather beating blast?
I doubt. I cringe. I cry. Yet sovereign tides will tear,
Molding, making; bending, breaking, reels refining gale.

How oft I pray, “Lord light my way. Fan flame inside my soul.
Steer this ship to waters you will, wrest me from my control.”
But in heart I cling to comfort, will unwilling to yield,
Snuffs spark before it blazes forth, faith by love revealed.

Instead I work my own way, headstrong at the helm
Fighting ever upstream, mid seas that seek to overwhelm.
My labor leads me nowhere, save rejection and despair,
Yet struggle on, this life I live, selfish pride can get me there.

Sharp trials unexpected rise, rend my ship upon the rock
Bashed about my striving breaks, lost I tumble surf in shock.
Only now I apprehend how powerless I truly am,
Dependent ever on a Savior, I die but for His hand.

Bondage breaks, He lifts my burden, shackles fall from my eyes,
I see Him there who always was a refuge at my side.
He makes Himself my life raft, discarding lordly crown,
And driven down by all my weight, He gladly for me drowns.

I fix upon His splendor, God incarnate, humble serves
Sustaining me through torrent seas, who hell’s dark death deserves.
Ordaining suffering for my good, at the end I now can see,
Once blinded by my restless fears, I trust His love for me.

And directed through the tempest, I strike upon the sand.
With wisdom he has carried me; to His, now my, homeland.
Then standing, see my Savior, as new day breaks upon His face
I know now love as not before in the warmth of His embrace.

What can ever end or stay the victorious call of Christ?
What fear have I when guided by the Architect of Light?
My faith has found foundation in my Father’s finished fight,
He who took my place and died that I should gain abundant life.

Red dawn cuts crimson, igniting brilliant burning; I yearn.
Eyes finding, follow forever, my God of glorious good; I hope.
Suffering sorrows die, I run to His open arms in haste.
My sonship secured, I passionate praise, the glory of His grace; I hear.
“Well done my good and faithful servant!” singing in my ears.

taming ponies for pegasus practice

2006-09-22T17:08:00.000-04:00

I love C.S. Lewis. The man is the bomb. Not literally…but figuratively…an explosion of practical theology and logical spirituality focused on the immortal soul of man and his relationship to his peers and to his God. Recently, while skipping a worthless lecture, reading “the bomb” in a grassy courtyard under the brilliant morning sky of Colorado, I came across the following passage of Lewis. In it he discusses our physical nature and the responsibility we have to our bodies, not just for this life, but for eternity. He compares our earthly bodies to a pony that we must learn to ride that one day we might effortlessly guide and control the mighty winged stallions of heaven to which we will be entrusted. As I pondered this fascinating representation, I was inspired to write a few lines of prose. I’m reasonably pleased with the outcome, but that is not saying too much…there is a great deal that pleases me when it takes my energies away from my school work.

“To shrink back from all that can be called Nature into negative spirituality is as if we ran away from horses instead of learning to ride. There is in our present pilgrim condition plenty of room (more room than most of us like) for abstinence and renunciation and mortifying our natural desires. But behind all asceticism the thought should be, 'Who will trust us with the true wealth if we cannot be trusted even with the wealth that perishes?' Who will trust me with a spiritual body if I cannot control even an earthly body? These small and perishable bodies we now have were given to us as ponies are given to schoolboys. We must learn to manage: not that we may someday be free of horses altogether but that some day we may ride bare-back, confident and rejoicing, those greater mounts, those winged, shining and world-shaking horses which perhaps even now expect us with impatience, pawing and snorting in the King's stables. Not that the gallop would be of any value unless it were a gallop with the King; but how else--since He has retained His own charger--should we accompany Him?”
~C.S. Lewis, Miracles

The King’s Horse - The King’s Man by Matt Bostrom

Breathing in deep, the creature woke with a start,
Its life had begun, eternally marked.
A wild beast of unimaginable glory,
It snorted and roared in the light of the morning.

He was a physical being of power and light,
Yet his spirit was missing – his soul giving life.
For a time his spirit was forced to remain
In a perishing body, in a weak, fallen frame.

For a time to endure pain, toil, and loss,
In a world of rebellion, greed, and of lust.
But the spirit was chosen, in time before time,
To a feast of the King, in glory to dine.

The soul had and inkling, but only a glimpse
Of the creature he would become, as he died to himself.
If he gave his life over and planted his trust
In his God, his Maker, Who breathed his life from the dust.

In the real existence, that was not yet revealed,
The creature roared with longing, in impatience he reared.
Wanting to run free, united body and soul,
Yearning to spread his great wings, and over the mountaintops soar.

Yet there was purpose, and in His great will,
He ordained the soul to endure, his adoption to learn.
He gave it the ability, the desire and sight
To come to His throne, broken yet alive in the light.

Thus, as the frame drew its last breath,
The spirit was saved, even in death.
Like a seed that dies, and falls to the ground,
New life springs victorious, with majesty crowned!

And the creature and soul fused eternal and one,
Leapt out of the stables and into the sun.
With joy beyond joy, eternal life without fear,
He sang a triumph song to his God, who in love drew near.